Page 27 of AMS.TER.strum

Dory

No, and it wasn’t me asking what you are wearing.

I need to get ready.

Thanks for checking on me.

Lola, see you later.

I walk to my room, thinking I have nothing to wear. What the heck do you wear that says having a friend over for dinner but with an extra touch to it? I settle for my favorite pair of jeans and a lilac stretch T-shirt that makes the girls pop, because you don’t need a loose top that might get caught in pots and pans and their handles, right?

What about this mom’s handles?

I take another look at the full mirror, remembering Luuk’s words from years ago, about others’ opinions on my figure, and decide to flip the bird at my negative thoughts. I apply mascara and a bit of lip gloss, pull the sides of my hair back so that it doesn’t dip into the food, and check the clock again. Time to get the cooking going, hoping it’ll calm down the butterflies in my stomach.

My phone pings again, twice, and I bet it’s from the group chat, but besides Luuk, who says he’ll be slightly late, due to an interview his manager arranged and is dragging, there’s an unexpected text from David. I was almost sure he was put off by Luuk and my tepid reaction at his imperceptible move towards a kiss, but apparently not.

David

Hey Corrie.

David

I hope you are okay.

David

Would you like to grab dinner sometime this week?

David

Looking forward to seeing you again. x

I feel guilty for the mixed signals I sent, but then does a first date always have to be a show of fireworks? Maybe sometimes it’s all about the comfort, like a cup of tea at the end of a shitty day in the cold rain. The question is, do I want to give David hope? More importantly: do I want to give myself the chance to see where this might lead?

What’s stopping me, though?

The answer feels as if the stunning man who will be here soon has already entered the room, just as he has taken possession of my thoughts for what seems like forever. But how ridiculous is it to feel that I’m ditching Luuk? Who has legions of fans, and most probably a rotation of presences in his bed, willing and uncomplicated. Also, more suitable to his lifestyle, which makes him a comet in my life, in our lives—spectacular but passing, the post-excitement low painful. And that makes me type a reply to David.

Hey David.

All well here.

Life is busy, as always.