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“That maybe working in this career field might not be healthy for me because it’s so personal. Maybe I’m addicted to the chaos of the way I grew up, the adrenaline rush of it all. I know I want to help kids, but maybe this isn’t the best place for me to do that.”

“Do you think that maybe she could be right?” She paused so long that I almost thought she wouldn’t continue.

“Sometimes. It feels wrong to know there’s so much suffering in the world and not do anything about it.” Her heart sounded broken simply by giving a voice to the emotions.

“What if ‘doing something’ looks different from what you thought it did?” I asked. She paused again as if she was thinking.

“I feel like it consumes my life. I don’t have a life outside of it, but it’s all I’ve done for six years since I graduated early. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I feel stuck between wanting to make a difference and also not wanting my life to pass me by, especially now that I get to choose what my life looks like.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

“Can I turn around?” I asked, desperate to see her face.

My hand gripped the back of the chair, making my knuckles turn white. I could barely stand not touching her.

“Yes.” Her voice was small.

I flipped around to face her, my elbows on my knees, and I reached a hand out palm up.

She placed her smaller one in mine. She was learning to trust me, and my heart wanted to sprout wings and soar.

“Thank you for telling me. How about this? Until you figure out what the best path is moving forward, any time you have a rough day, you call me. I can listen, and then I’ll find something for you to punch,” I promise.

One corner of her mouth tugged up in a smile.

“You’re not going to tell me what to do?” Her voice was incredulous.

“No, Sawyer. You are the bravest and smartest person I know. You will know the answer when it’s time.”

She studied my face, searching for what I wasn’t sure. I stood and pulled her into a hug. Her curves melted into my body as she shifted to burrow closer. Her head on my heart.

“Okay,” she whispered. I pulled back and clasped her soft face in my hands where I could see her eyes.

“Do we have a deal that you’ll call me on the hard days?” I didn’t want her carrying this alone.

She nodded.

“Words.” Because I knew she’d worry about “bothering” me, which wasn’t possible.

“Yes, Cowboy. We have a deal,” she agreed.

She didn’t call me this often, but when she did, it made my heart skip a beat. I did the most impulsive thing I had in this relationship and pressed my lips to her soft forehead. This beautiful, smart, and brave woman was going to be my undoing. I heard her quick intake of breath before I wrapped my arms around her again. Where she was concerned, I was never letting her go.

Chapter

Thirty-Eight

Sawyer

Soren:

Just a heads-up, my parents ambushed me this morning to “help” with wheat harvest. I wanted you to know before you arrived.

Sawyer:

Ambushed? Hmmm should I be worried?

Soren:

No, they’ll treat you like an angel. I, on the other hand, am preparing myself to be embarrassed no less than twenty-three times today.