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This is care.
Not control. Not possession. He’s making sure I get home safe, not taking over or making choices for me.
Ten out of fucking ten.
CHAPTER THIRTY
you’ve always belonged in my circle
ISLA
Nineteen years old
The dining hall is full of people, of sounds and smells, but I don’t really pay attention to anything. Even my lunchbox with the grilled chicken, rice, and veggies I cooked yesterday is no more than just a decoration. My gaze is glued to the only guy I’ve always liked watching from afar.
Michael sits with his teammates, chatting and laughing, as if nothing can perturb him. Like the whole place belongs to him. And I think it does. He has an ability to command a room, to attract attention without even trying. All he needs to do is to just be himself, and everyone will be happy to orbit around him. Including me.
The way his presence sets my skin aflame is something out of this world. All I want is to be closer, even if it means I’ll burn. He makes me feel like I’m losing control, and this is exactly what makes me avoid him, what makes me take a step back, even though all my heart wants is to take a step forward and be open with him.
But it’s hard to break a circle, hard to change the habits I use to protect myself.
My therapist once told me all my rules, routines, and discipline are just ways of keeping my anxiety quiet. I’m also having trouble with being vulnerable, because relying on myself feels safer than giving someone the power to hurt me.
Most people don’t know about any of it, and I’m not looking to change it.
Michael lifts his hand and subtly fixes his nose ring. Probably a habit, because I’ve seen him do it a few times since I noticed him here. He’s in a white T-shirt and light blue jeans. His tattoos on his arms and neck add even more allure, drawing me in like a moth to a flame—which is precisely the problem. I should be focusing on literally anything else, yet here I am, wondering if he has more tattoos hidden beneath his clothes. I want to know everything about the ink he has running over his skin, about his reasons to get so many. I remember him being fascinated by my dad’s tatts, but I never thought he’d actually go for it.
The buzzing of my phone snags my attention, and when I see the caller ID, a small smile pulls at my lips. Speak of the devil.
“Hey, Dad.” I press my phone to my ear, angling my body slightly so I’m no longer staring at Michael.
“Hey. I hope I’m not distracting you. I checked the time, and it seems like you should’ve a break.”
“You’re fine. I’m at the dining hall. How are you?” I take a fork and shove some food into my mouth.
“I’m good. We all are, actually.” He chuckles. “Except for the fact that I miss my baby girl.”
“Dad.” I feign being annoyed while my chest expands so full, my heart feels tight.
“What? It was one thing when you were in Boston, but it’s completely different when you’re just an hour away from us. Tell me you’re going to visit soon.”
“I am. Maybe next week.” I take a sip of my water. “But it works both ways, Dad. You’re welcome to come visit me whenever you want.”
“Really?” His tone of voice turns lighter. “If I come, will you introduce me to your friends?”
“Absolutely.”
“And I’ll get to meet your roommate?”
“One hundred percent. Blake will be ecstatic to meet you. She’s a fan.”
“I’m ecstatic to meet her too,” he says cheerfully. “What about Michael?”
Suddenly, a mouthful of food I just swallowed feels like it’s ready to come back. I grab my water bottle and take a big sip. “What…” I clear my throat. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I didn’t really want to intrude, and your mom said we should give you time to tell us everything on your own, but it doesn’t seem to work,” Dad explains. “You and Michael were inseparable before you moved to Boston, and now, you’re in the same college, you live in the same dorm. You saw him crash his bike and were at the hospital with him. It’s clear he’s back in your life. So…will I see him if I come visit you?”
My gaze drifts back to his table on autopilot.
