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“We’ll pay out your remaining leave and provide a reference,” she said. “Good luck, Alicia. I truly wish we could’ve kept you on.”

I hummed a noncommittal sound, but when the call ended, I kept the phone pressed my ear for a long time, unable not to wonder if marrying Holden had been the biggest mistake of my life. Alex had found me when I was desperate. He’d known about the house and the taxes, and he’d offered me the money I needed to solve my problems. All of that was fair.

I’d known what I was signing up for, or at least, I’d thought I did, but I hadn’t known about the Thayers’ impending media circus or that their patriarch was about to hit the news again. Maybe Alex hadn’t known how bad it was going to get, but he hadn’t even given me a heads-up.

Now, because of something I hadn’t known—couldn’t have known since it wasn’t public knowledge at the time—I’d lost my job. I’d lost my normal life. My aunt had sought me out after ten years to demand money and my boss had told me that getting fired wasn’t a reflection of my work.

What that implied was that it was a reflection of my new family. As was the fact that my aunt suddenly wanted money from me.

Is this really what my life has become?

“Alicia?” Tasha called down the hall. “Are you okay? I’m going to start loading up the boxes or I won’t get to my last class on time.”

I cleared my throat and wiped at my cheeks again, but they were dry now. Shoving all my feelings and questions down, I stood up and slid my phone back into my pocket, determined to act like nothing was wrong.

Determined to act like Holden, actually. God, I suddenly understand the man a lot better. It’s easier to just pretend, isn’t it?

When I walked back into Tasha’s bedroom, she looked up, smiling as she tossed another roll of her tape onto her bed. “What did Marge want?”

“Nothing,” I said, striding over to the nearest box and picking it up. “She was just checking in. Can I take this down to the car?”

She nodded, scooping up a box of her own and following me out. I could feel her watching me as we loaded up the first round of boxes, then the next, and then the next. Eventually, she sighed and leaned with her elbow on the roof of her car.

“Okay, what’s really going on?”

“Nothing,” I repeated, holding her gaze dead-on, but refusing to give her anything. I wasn’t ready to admit it out loud. “I’m fine. Really. I guess maybe I’m just tired.”

If Holden could shove it down and go about his life like it wasn’t falling apart, then so could I. I loved him. I knew that now. I just didn’t know if I could survive being part of his family and I had absolutely no clue what to do about it.

CHAPTER 41

HOLDEN

Alicia sat farther away from me on the plane than I’d been expecting, choosing a seat in a cluster with Mom and Jane instead being anywhere near me. It was only a few feet, but the distance was driving me insane. I’d already spent the better part of the week pretending I hadn’t noticed that something was up with her, but she’d definitely been weird these last few days.

Quiet and withdrawn, she’d spent most of her time curled up on the couch with a book, barely even looking at me unless I spoke directly to her. At first, I’d thought maybe it was just a real good book, but her silence felt different somehow, like it came with an agenda.

I just had no fucking idea what that agenda was or where it had come from.

“Are you going to stare at her for the entire flight?” Wyatt asked from across the aisle.

“I’m not staring.”

He snorted. “We’ve been in the air for eleven minutes and you’ve done nothing but stare.”

“I’m not staring. I’m…” I trailed off, because I was staring. Staring and trying to figure out if I was in a fight to save my marriage and just didn’t know it yet. “I’m contemplating.”

Wyatt chuckled. “From where I’m sitting, contemplating and staring look very much like the same thing.”

“Yeah, well, you should’ve chosen a better place to sit.”

“Maybe I’m not the one who should’ve chosen a different seat, buddy.” He inclined his chin pointedly toward the empty space beside my wife. “Go. Talk to her. Whatever it is, I’ve been told communication is key.”

I scoffed. “Whoever told you that is an idiot. Communication requires both parties to participate. The real key is to figure out what I did wrong and to fix it.”

He laughed. “You know, I think you’re becoming fluent in husband. Good luck, man. That sounds tough.”

As I nodded, he went back to his laptop and I raked my fingers through my hair, lifting my gaze back to Alicia. Jane had stood up at some point during our exchange and went to join Alex, Colin, Deja, and the kids near the front. Mom was chatting to Alex’s flight attendant near the bar, their quiet conversation about tea drifting to my ears.