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Lord Ashcombe’s words were not meant to give offence, but Clara felt tension lancing through her. She arched her back and pressed her hands into her lap, while she adopted a cool expression.
“I hope that day is still a long way off,” Gerald said.
Clara felt a prickle upon her skin, and it took everything she had to maintain her composure.
“Forgive me, but I do not believe that the subject of my marriage should be a matter for discussion,” Clara said in a gentle tone, hoping not to chastise the men, but just offer a gentle reminder that they should not forget the company they kept.
“My apologies, Miss Sterling. You are of course quite correct and I hope you have not taken any offence.. If my wife were here I’m sure she would have prevented me from making such a blunder.”
“No offence was taken at all,” Clara said, inclining her head.
“I merely meant it as a compliment. I’m not sure anyone could ever replace you, Miss Sterling.”
“I concur,” Gerald said, the word slicing through the air, like an arrow aimed straight at Clara’s heart. She had no chance to avoid it. They spoke a little more about the benefit, but in truth Clara withdrew from the conversation, contemplating Lord Ashcombe’s words. Once again she was appreciated because of what she could provide.
The children were happily playing with Duke. This time Sophia was joining them. Even she couldn’t resist the friendly brown eyes. Since they had learned their lesson about the boat, Clara wasn’t worried about them doing anything reckless with Duke. While they played, she and Gerald strolled around the garden. Clara kept glancing over her shoulder, making sure to keep an eye on the children.
“You’re quieter than usual, Clara. Is anything wrong?”
“No, I just have a few things on my mind, that’s all.”
“Would you care to share?”
“If you care to listen.”
“I do,” he replied.
“First of all I was thinking about the children, and how one day they are all going to leave. I know it cannot happen, but part of me wishes that they could remain here forever, where I could keep them safe.”
“I imagine a part of being a parent is having to prepare them to face the world. At a certain point, there is nothing more you can do.”
“Then I wonder if I have prepared them enough.”
“Perhaps not just yet, but they still have room to grow, and much more to learn. I’m sure you have done more than the people who brought them into this world. They are all the better for knowing you, Clara,” he said. His words had the ring of authenticity about them and she hated it. Why did he have to say such sweet things? Why couldn’t he be rotten all the way through so that it would be easier to dislike him?
“When they leave, I wonder what is going to happen to me.”
“There will be other children, I suppose.”
Clara nodded with an absent expression in her eyes. “There are always more children, sadly.”
“Lord Ashcombe was right. There is nobody better to be in charge of St. Margaret’s. You will always do right by the children, and I’m sure that whatever accomplishments they achieve in life, they will have you to thank for it.”
“I see. Then I suppose I should forever eschew the idea of marriage because St. Margaret’s needs me more.”
“Is that what you believe?” Gerald asked.
“Perhaps you should tell me. It’s what you implied during our conversation with Lord Ashcombe.”
“Are you upset that we spoke about your marriage? I am sorry if it seemed we were being cavalier about the subject.”
“I’m not offended by that. It just seems as though I have more value here than anywhere else. Do you believe that?”
Gerald remained quiet for a few moments as he considered her words. “I think you have found a place in which your natural abilities shine. You are firm, but fair. You can bring out the best in these children and make them laugh with glee, despite the griefs of their past. They may not have been born into the same family, but they have become brothers and sisters because of you. I assume you would take great pride in that.”
“I do, it’s just-”
Gerald interrupted her. “If you are worried that you are not needed, then I must say that you are mistaken. The children certainly need you. No one understands them the way you do.”