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Ash started to set his phone back down, but then he paused and swiped back out of Shaina’s messages. His eyes drifted down the message threads, and a small smile tugged at his lips as he saw a message from several days ago.

Cass (Thursday, December 9, 2021 – 8:24 p.m.): Good night :)

He clicked on Cass’s name and reread the few messages they’d exchanged. Then he set the phone back down, closed his eyes, and took a long, deep breath.

Had it been pure dumb luck that had brought Cass to his rescue? And not once, but twice? With a sardonic laugh, which he muffled as best he could to avoid waking Bri, Ash opened his eyes and leaned forward until his elbows were resting on his knees. The answer was a resounding no. It couldn’t have been luck. Ash was not a lucky guy.

If he was a lucky guy, he wouldn’t be sitting here right now in a tiny hotel room in north Portland, staying as quiet as possible to avoid waking up his niece, who was now his responsibility because his sister—

Ash’s insides twisted painfully, and he promptly stood, grabbed the fast-food bag with the second chicken soft taco, and tossed it in the trash. He wasn’t really hungry anymore.

From her car seat, Bri gurgled in her sleep, and Ash froze and watched her, letting his mind settle back into the present and remember what was most important. Bri was happy. She was happy and calm and well cared for. And he would always, always make sure that was the case.

He’d fumbled so badly, and that was putting it mildly. The whole trip had been worse than messy, and without the kindness of a complete stranger who’d shown up by some miracle and helped Ash out, things would have been much, much worse and much, much more difficult.

But how much he’d screwed up didn’t matter anymore; it was in the past. What mattered now was that going forward, he’d do better. He’d be better. He’d make better decisions. And everything he’d be and do would be to give Bri the best life possible.

She deserved it all.

As soon as he got home, he’d text Cass to thank him again. Then he’d move on, move forward, try to forget all the blunders and missteps he’d taken so he could be the best uncle to Bri. He’d finish his finals, then the school year. After another year, he’d get his undergraduate degree and start his graduate program, and when that was finished and he received his teaching certification, he’d get a job in one of the nicer school districts in the area, and he’d have a good career to support his niece with.

She’d be loved and cared for, always.

He closed his eyes for several long seconds, pushing away all of his grief. Then, quietly, since Bri was still sleeping peacefully in her car seat, Ash grabbed his duffle bag and headed into the bathroom to take a quick shower before hopefully getting some rest.

Dad (Sunday, December 12, 2021 – 7:08 a.m.): I’m leaving for work, your mom is still sleeping. She had a rough night, pain in her hip again. I gave her Tylenol at 2am, so it’s safe for her to have more after 8 if she’s still hurting

Dad (7:10 a.m.): Please let me know how she’s doing later. I should be home from work on time tonight

Chapter Twelve

Cass

“Almost done, ma. Just one more. Ready?”

Cass waited until his mom gave a small but noticeable nod, and then he helped her reposition her left hand palm up on the table, placed a water bottle on her fingers, and talked her through closing her fingers to grasp the bottle, squeezing as hard as she could for a count of three. She had to use her good hand to keep her fingers lifted and closed around the bottle, and Cass could see the slight frustration in her face as he counted down the hold for her.

“Good, and three more seconds . . . Three, two, one, done.”

Her fingers uncurled slowly, and he tried not to react when he saw her flinch.

“Is it cramping up again?” he asked softly.

“It’s fine, really,” she said, but the way she refused to look at him as she said the words confirmed what he already knew—it wasn’t actually fine.

He quietly reached out and removed the water bottle from her hand. Then he set it aside and took her hand in both of his. “Here, ma, this usually helps.” Gently, he started rubbing his thumbs in circles on her palm. He could feel the muscles in her hand spasming, and he knew it had to be painful. It was a minute or maybe two before her fingers seemed to relax, and she closed her eyes and let out a shuddering breath.

“Better now?” he asked, stilling his thumbs.

“Yes.” Her voice almost sounded slurred, but the right corner of her mouth tightened into a strained smile, and she exhaled slowly and then opened her eyes to look up at him. “Yes, thank you, dear. I’m sorry . . . I get frustrated sometimes, you know. And today, I’ve been so tired.”

He smiled gently and nodded. “I know, ma.” Looking down at where his hands held hers, he did his best to keep the smile on his face, even as sadness filled his heart. She sounded defeated today, and that always seemed to hurt him more than anything else.

She must have heard his thoughts or seen right through his smile, however, because her hand moved slightly, her thin fingers closing much too weakly around his, and she gave him a squeeze he could barely feel.

He lifted his eyes, still trying to fake his smile, but she shook her head when their eyes met.

“You’re allowed to be sad, Caspian,” she told him, and she blinked slowly, her eyes staying closed much longer than seemed natural. Cass swallowed hard and dropped his chin again as she started talking, her words definitely slurring now. “I know it’s hard, and I . . . I wish . . . I wish I . . .”