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Me: I do.

Ryan: Don’t mess this one up. He seems like a really cool guy. Heading out. Text later.

I sit down at my desk and put my phone down. But I’m still not settled.

I know I had to end things officially with Lance. There’s definitely something happening between Lev and me, and I want to see what it is. We’ve spent time together, and it’s no secret that I have always liked him. But I haven’t been in a committed relationship since high school. For a year, I was off and on with a girl named Anna, but that was mainly so I could say I had a girlfriend, and we both knew it was just to have some fun and have someone to do things with, like prom and movies and football games.

Lev feels different. He makes me feel things I haven’t felt before. Goose bumps and tingles that are more than just a natural reaction. He’s cool and attractive, and I think I could see something more with him. I want to explore that, and I think ending things with Lance will allow me to do that more freely. The time we’ve spent together recently has been amazing, and honestly, the thought of being exclusively with Lev makes me warm inside. But I’m also nervous as fuck because I don’t know if I know how to be a boyfriend. I guess we’ll see.

I manage to avoid my mom for the rest of the day. It’s easy because she’s flitting around doing her laundry and packing between trips apparently. When it’s time to get some dinner, she’s still here, sitting alone in the living room.

Dammit. I thought I missed her.

When she’s home for these short times, it’s abundantly clear that it’s not to see me. It’s to rotate her clothing and get ready for her next trip. It’s usually only a night or two, and then she’s gone again.

I pause at the bottom of the stairs, and my mom sees me. She puts a bookmark in the book she’s holding and sets it aside. I roll my eyes as she reaches her hand in the air and waves me over.

“Darian? Oh, Darian, come talk to your mother.” She’s so ridiculously dramatic.

I walk in and sit in the chair across from her. I cross my ankle over my knee, and my foot starts to bounce. “What’s up, Mom?” I ask, not trying very hard to hide my annoyance.

“Oh, Darian, could you act a little happy that I’m hooome?” She does this weird thing where she’s drawing out her vowels. It’s like she’s trying on a new accent and persona. “How are you?”

I lick my lips and try not to roll my eyes. “I’m fine. What’s up?”

She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Her smile hasn’t reached her eyes since Nate died. “Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. My friend Vivian, you know, the woman you met today when you were indecent?”

I laugh. “I didn’t know you were here, Mother.” I can’t help the snark in my voice.

She shakes her head. “Well, anywayyyy. Vivian has a cottage in the west of France, and we are going to go staayyy for a while.” She pronounces a while with a little blow on the “wh” sound.

“You’re just up and going to France? For how long?” This shouldn’t surprise me. This is so typical of her.

“Oh, I don’t knowww. Probably a month or so. It’s not like you need me herrrrrre, Darian.”

That’s the understatement of the year. “’Kay. Have fun.”

I start to get up, and then she drops the bomb. “Darian, I have been talking to your father about selling the house.”

I freeze.

“What?”

I sit myself back down and it only takes a second for anger and panic to sink into my bones. My stomach tumbles.

“Well, I know this comes as no surprise to youuu. But your father and I are never here, and we are paying for this big space—”

“I live here,” I cut in. I can’t help the emotion that seeps into my voice. A surge of panic runs through me, stronger than the anger. “You can’t just decide this. Don’t I get a say in it? What am I going to do? What about my life here?” My eyes dart around the room like I’m trying to categorize things and commit them to memory. A thousand thoughts and emotions course through me, even as I desperately try to not let panic fully take over.

She shakes her head. “I know, Darian. You’re being ridiculous. You can find yourself an apartment. We can help you with that. Your father and I never see one another anymore, and to have this space is just . . . well, it’s unnecessary.” She folds her hands in her lap.

I can’t really breathe, but I manage to shake my head. “You can’t just sell the house out from under me, Mom! I live here. Everything we own is here. All of our memories of Nate are here.” I’m trying hard to keep my voice steady, but the emotion is leaking out. My hands start to tremble. “I don’t want to leave this house. It’s all I have of our mem—”

Her face drops, and her voice gets cold as she cuts me off mid-sentence. “I’m well aware of what this house holds and what it means to our family, Darian.”

I fight the burn behind my eyes. “Then why would you sell it?” I choke out. “Don’t take it from me. Please.” The last part comes out like a quiet plea.

My mom shakes her head. “I have been over this with you already. Your father and I are in talks. I will know more when Vivian and I get back from our holiday. It’s time that you move on.”