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“’Twould be much too painful, speaking to him. Nor do I trust myself when I am around him.”
I know it is myself, and not Kipp, I attempt to convince. When I learned Vanni was still in Murwood, so much of me wanted to run to the inn. To find him, hold him. Tell him that I love him and maybe even say the words that would bind us together for life.
I will marry you.
Since yesterday, I’ve envisioned myself saying that very phrase so many times. Riding from Murwood End with him atop Dex. Sleeping in the same bed and waking up to his face each morn. But I have also imagined the pain I will feel saying goodbye to Father and Kipp and everyone else from home. Spending long days at court with strangers, with Vanni nowhere to be found.
Living with a husband who offered marriage simply out of duty. Who deceived me, even as I know in my heart his interest in me was not solely to get close to Kipp.
Nay, that is not the husband I would have. But still, I cannot keep my mind from wandering. Maybe it will be easier once he leaves?
“What did he say?” I press.
Kipp shrugs. “That he would not leave without speaking to you. And so I challenged him.”
I must not have heard him correctly.
“Pardon?”
“Men like him . . . he would not let it go. So I challenged him. He accepted, and lost. So he is leaving, as we agreed.”
Only Kipp.
“They say he is an excellent swordsman.”
Thank heavens I did not know of this fight when it was happening. I shudder to think of Kipp and Vanni swinging unblunted swords at each other.
“He is.”
“And yet you beat him?”
Kipp smiles. “Aye.”
“Easily?”
“Nay.”
“He leaves now?” I ask, my voice shriller than I would like. I should be relieved. If Vanni set terms with Kipp, he will honor them. And yet . . .
Kipp shifts on the edge of the bed, to sit more comfortably, I presume.
“Tomorrow. Apparently he is to meet with Lord Stokerton again. I’ve heard they met once already.”
“Do you know what they spoke of?”
“Nay.”
“Or why they meet again?”
“Nay.”
“Ugh.”
Kipp chuckles. “Perhaps you should speak to the man yourself. You’ve enough questions to keep him here until the morrow.”
I toss my pillow at him, but Kipp is too quick for me and catches it.
Tomorrow. If I want to see him, there is still time . . .
