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“Is that really true, Elizabeth, or have you been training them for weeks?”

That actually brought a small smile from me, which was on the unusual side. I thought I understood him a little better, or perhaps my wilful lack of understanding was being chipped away by exposure. At the very least, he was very perplexing, as usual. On the other hand, I was not finding his presence as unacceptable as I had, so perhaps the day was not as unremarkable as I thought.

I had an impertinent remark on the tip of my tongue about how I had been completely successful at driving him from my company a year ago but seemed to have lost my skill, but I thought better of it.

Instead, I said simply, “You seem a difficult man to bend to anybody’s will,” but I gave him a small nod to remove any sting, since he seemed amenable to humour.

He asked cordially if he could assist me with my poultry. I would usually have disdained any help because spreading the grain was almost a pointless task, but it was one that I enjoyed for the sheer mindlessness of it. But then I thought better of it. He was being agreeable, so I could do the same.

I pointed to a small basket of tools in the corner. “If you care to repair that fence, I would appreciate it. Sergeant MacDonald planned to do it for me, but you can probably do it as well.”

He walked over to the tools, came back suitably equipped, and went to the task with apparent enthusiasm, while I carried on spreading my grain.

At length, I said, “I do not know whether to apologise for my unseemly candour last night or not; but I assume, since all I was doing was satisfying your curiosity, and you have not taken your leave yet, you are not overly offended. I know you probably find my selfishness… indecorous, and I must thank you for holding back whatever your thoughts on the matter might be.”

I reflected that might be the politest thing I had ever said to him.

He stood up from the neatly repaired fence (in fact, much better than the sergeant could do). “May I ask you a question, Elizabeth?”

“To the best of my knowledge, nothing has ever stopped you from asking any question you wanted to ask, so I assume that particular rhetorical question was mainly out of politeness. I do not object.”

He asked seriously, “Do you consider me a selfish person?”

I had to think on that for a bit, as I found I was incapable of prevaricating with the man. I had not the slightest idea why I could not lie to him, or even shade the truth, since his arrival in Kent, but had to admit that it was the case.

“I do not know.” I thought a bit more. “If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said you were without question. Even a week ago, or perhaps as late as Tuesday, I would have thought the same. Now… now, I do not know. Now, I think I will not presume to actually know you very well, and I find my previous opinions on many things to be… suspect. I prefer to have no opinion, since it is as likely to be wrong as right.”

“Had I been well-mannered and polite last year in Hertfordshire, engaged you in proper conversation, danced with the ladies, then taken proper leave before I left, would you have then considered me selfish?”

I thought about that for a time, trying my best to be completely fair.

“No, I believe not. I objected to your behaviour, what I thought of as your selfish disdain for the feelings of others. Without that, you would have had very little impact on me, and I would have thought you no more selfish than any other landowner. My mother would have driven me insane, but you would have been safe from my censure.”

“Before I come round to my main point, I must say that I agree with your previous opinion. I have been a selfish being all my life. My parents tried to teach me good principles, but their example of behaviour had more effect than their words, and I have not even lived up to that standard.”

I simply nodded, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. His previous selfishness was a point not worth beating to death.

“Would you have considered me selfish for merely claiming my birthright to Pemberley, without my bad behaviour?”

“Of course not! What a ridiculous question.”

Now he looked like a wolf who had just spotted his prey.

“So, will you please explain to me, in terms sufficiently simple for my meagre understanding, why you think yourself selfish because you plan to claim your birthright and take care of your sisters? Or perhaps it is the desire to raise a child well and ensure their future. Is that the selfish part, because I am having a terribly difficult time finding you selfish in the least!”

Once again, the man stunned me into silence. I was so used to my own thinking being the only thing I really listened to that I had almost forgotten the art of looking at things from another perspective; or more likely, I never acquired it in the first place.

How much of my thinking was caused by me simply taking an idea into my head, and holding onto it stubbornly no matter the evidence against it? How would my life have been different if I had simply not allowed one ill-humoured remark to poison my entire association with a man who was mostly polite and engaging while I was at Netherfield taking care of Jane? Would I have found a valuable acquaintance if I had not been so stubborn and had tried to draw him out—a feat that was very well within my capabilities? What if I had taken that half hour in the library to get to know him? Was this amiable but strange man in front of me even available back then? Could I have reached him?

He waited patiently for me to think about his words, which probably took some time since they sent me into a frenzy of brooding about the past that could not be changed.

“You make a good point,” I finally grumbled, having no idea how to respond. Mr Darcy was acting much more like a true friend than… than… than whatever I thought him to be, even after all the conversations we had been through. Perhaps, I still did not know him at all.

“I will grant that your mother is a selfish mercenary, but there is a vast difference between a desire to save a fine and venerable estate with a long history, and the desire to settle a daughter on some hapless gentleman regardless of what said daughter or gentleman might need or desire. There is a vast difference between what you plan, and the arts and allurements many of the first circles practise, most of them indistinguishable from your mother. If you please, Elizabeth, I will hear no more of your supposed selfishness. You are the least selfish person I know, and I will not stand for you denigrating yourself in this fashion for another moment.”

At length, I said, “I thank you. There is wisdom in what you say, so I shall try to think better of myself.”

He walked directly in front of me and looked at me carefully. “If you think of yourself half as well as I think of you, I shall be satisfied.”