Page 48

“My lady, bribery has failed. Grovelling did not work as well as I hoped. Perhaps a simple introduction and some courtesy might get me out of your brown books?”

“That will not be required, Colonel. I believe our business is concluded.”

I was not a former colonel in the Stupid Brigade for nothing, so I tried one more frontal assault.

“Please, madam?”

She sighed in exasperation. Young Betsy was somewhat distracted by the sweets, so the elder lady told her to go over by the trunks for a moment where she would not be able to hear.

“Colonel, your forwardness and obstinacy leave me few options save candour. I should tell you that I am generally an amiable person, but there are four things I cannot abide.”

I thought this seemed like progress, except for the nasty edge she added to that last part.

“Firstly, I cannot abide men who look me up and down as if my appearance is any concern of theirs, and look into my affairs without even the courtesy of an introduction.”

I knew not what to say, but thought this was not going to end well.

“Second, I cannot abide intemperance… people who take to drink or… other pleasures… in the public sphere.”

I gulped down what was left of my courage.

“Thirdly, I cannot abide a man who will not take no for an answer, who has been asked to desist on four separate occasions, yet is still present.”

By then, I just wanted to crawl into a hole with Darcy and die. I was going to run to my sisters the second this lady left me. Maybe Jane would take my head off but explain where I went wrong, while Kitty told me it was all right and everything would work out in the end. Anne… well, best not to tell Anne.

The lady was turning to leave, so I screwed up my courage.

“My apologies, madam. I believe myself guilty of all three.”

She nodded and waved to her young charge to join her.

“Your pardon, you said there were four?”

She looked back sharply. “I cannot abide military men.”

She walked over to her trunks and took out her reticule to engage Simon. At least one of us would end the day better than he started.

The young lady said, “Are we to go now, Miss Lucas?”

So, a ‘Miss’ with a swelling belly! No wonder she was hostile. I would have to plan my campaign carefully, since I had already lost the first battle decisively.

I might later wonder why I was planning to pursue a woman already with child who was quite close to needing a paper to keep track of all the things she disliked about me, but it just seemed right. Perhaps I could take careful notes from Bingley, and do the exact opposite.

My angel said, “Yes, Betsy. I do not think it is far.”

Young Simon was loading their trunks. I had no idea how I would talk to her again, nor how I could gain her favour, but I was determined. I understood Darcy started out almost this badly with Elizabeth, and look how that—wait, that was not the example I wanted.

It seemed I was about to join Bingley and Darcy in the Stupid Club. It remained to be seen which particular flavour of stupidity I was afflicted with and whether or not it would kill me.

Half-Mile

Charlotte

I turned away from the colonel with a shudder. Something about him just rubbed me the wrong way. I know… I know… I know… Lizzy and Jane would chide me about tarring the entire army that was off fighting and dying to protect us with the same brush, but I just could not. Something about the man hit me wrong, in addition to all the things I said to dissuade him. The mere fact that I had to bludgeon him with a set-down bad enough that even Lizzy would have been appalled was beyond the pale. I could not recall once in my life treating someone so badly, yet wishing I could have done even worse—well actually, there was that one time I wished I could have done worse, but nothing I imagined would have measured up to what Colonel Blackwood did anyway, so perhaps that one worked out for the best.

I was thinking furiously as I walked toward Betsy, because I do not like it when I act irrationally, or for reasons I do not understand. Lizzy took an outright public insult from Mr Darcy, yet remained cordial to him for six weeks, but I could not even abide an introduction, let alone five minutes polite conversation. Perhaps my aversion to soldiers in general was much more pronounced than I thought, or perhaps my manners were just gone forever.

There was something about the man that reminded me of something foul. It was a visceral reaction; something to do with the way he walked, when he could be bothered to do so; or something about the way he talked, when I was not chastising him. He reminded me of something, and not just with his words, since I allowed him fewer than a couple dozen, which I assumed was a nearly crippling deficit for a man like him. I suspected he usually said that many in his opening sentence. It was something in his manner, beyond the usual unpleasantness of a military man.