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“Good, because I don’t want to,” I say, even as I feel my stomach in free fall.

“I knew you could be a bit cold”—Theo narrows his eyes at me—“but I thought it made your kinder moments warmer. Turns out I was wrong.”

“I guess we both were.”

He storms out, swings the door open, then slams it shut, and the resounding noise vibrates in my chest.

This time, when the panic creeps in, blurring the edges of my vision, Theo isn’t around to rub my back and tell me I’m okay. I cover my face with my hands, trying to breathe evenly, and tell myself over and over again: You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.

CHAPTER 20

All week, Theo doesn’t speak to me.

He’s either late, sitting as far from me as possible, or doesn’t even show up to the classes we have together. If we happen to walk toward each other in the hall or after school, he’d spot me before I’d get too close and turn away.

So, not only am I filled with crushing guilt and worry and my own weird lump of anger that’s been sitting in my throat after our fight, I’m also starting to have humiliation trailing behind those emotions. After working myself up to it, I called Theo multiple times to try to talk it out, show him my side… and say sorry for my part. He never even tried to call me back.

The more time passes, the more uneasy I am.

He’s ignored me, and that stings.

At what point, do I just give up? How will I know? I’m starting to think he’ll never speak to me again.

After school, when I get home, I put on his jacket as I head down to the living room, too distracted to study. I’m scared if I wear it to school he’ll ask for it back.

Although, to ask for it back, he’d have to talk to me. Would it make him break? Or would he just pull it off my body and walk away?

Better not to risk it.

I head to the fridge, pause to read today’s joke: How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya.

I open the door to grab a protein smoothie.

“Not even a chuckle?” My dad says from behind me, making me jump out of my skin.

“Oh my God.” I swing around, slamming the door. “Are you on cat feet? I didn’t hear you walk in.”

“Maybe it’s because too much is happening in your brain,” Dad says in his jumpsuit uniform. “But strangely, I haven’t seen you studying at all, so I wonder what’s taking up space in my little flower’s head.”

I frown at him. “When’d you get so observant?”

“Are you implying I wasn’t observant before?”

“Don’t you have to head to work now?” I take a sip of the fruity drink, then head to the living room.

When I plop on the couch, Dad does the same beside me. Vivi excitedly jumps between us, laying her head on my lap. I put on a fight he recorded this week, hoping it’ll distract him. Instead, it’s worked the opposite, and I feel his gaze on me.

“What?” I snap.

“Easily irritated, moody.” Dad nods like he’s checking things off a list. “It’s all coming together now.”

I slam the remote on the armchair. “What is happening right now?”

“Emotionally attached to an item of clothing.” Dad gestures to Theo’s jacket. “One you’ve never owned before, and you’re too frugal with your allowance to spend on yourself. It’s also double your size. I wonder who it belongs to.”

“Dad?”

“Risha warned me about this. Said all the signs were pointing toward boy problems, but I wasn’t sure.” He rubs his chest where his heart lies. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this. My baby girl’s first crush.”