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This ought to be good.
He seemed to struggle with what he was going to say. “Ali, my life is not…happy. And I’m starting to realize that’s my own fault. I’ve been really trying to understand why I do some of the things I do, and I think the therapy was the best thing you could have asked of me.”
I scoffed, but his gaze was steady. “You know, I lost Rebecca too. This wasn’t the only relationship I’ve struggled with.”
Rebecca was his ex-wife. Cam’s mom.
“Ali, you were—are—the most important person in my life. And I know that I didn’t show you that very well, but I…” He paused. “When I was growing up, the relationship I saw with my parents was not healthy. My dad did some of the things to my mom that I did to you. And I think I did them because I was so afraid of losing you.” He put a hand out. “I know that seems counterintuitive. But if I made you insecure, it meant you’d never leave. And I know that’s not right. It’s not an excuse. But it is the reason. I never did any of it because I didn’t love you. I did it because I did. And I didn’t know how to deal with that.”
I shook my head at him. “You cheated on me.”
His eyes were sad. “I know. I know that I royally, royally messed this up. I have issues, Ali. Abandonment issues, problems with confidence. I think I did what I did because I could see you getting ready to leave me, and if I sabotaged the relationship, I was still in control of how you left. It’s the same thing I did to Rebecca. I just…I have problems. And I have a lot of work I still need to do about that. But if I don’t, I’m never going to be happy and I’m never going to be able to make anyone else happy either.” He paused. “I’m giving you the house.”
My arms dropped.
“You can have it,” he said. “You can have whatever you want.”
I licked my lips. “You’ll move out?”
He nodded. “If that’s what you want, yes.”
I narrowed my eyes. “And what do you want? Because I can’t imagine this act of generosity comes without a price.”
He looked at the floor. “All I want is for you to be open to not hating me.” His eyes came back up to mine. “And maybe, in a few months, after I’ve figured out my life a little more, you might have room in your heart to come with me to a few couple’s counseling sessions—not because I did my end of the bargain. Because you want to. Just to see. Because I know you loved me once, and I know I can be better. And I am so scared of losing you.”
I realized then that I recognized the look on his face. I’d just never seen him wear it before. He was being genuine.
I let my hard expression soften a little. “I’ll think about it.”
He smiled gently. “Okay. Thank you.”
I paused a moment. “Thank you for being nice to Daniel that day.”
He looked away from me. “I knew you were seeing someone. I’m not an idiot.” His eyes came back to mine. “But grace costs you nothing. Isn’t that what you said? I figured that’s what you’d want to see from me.”
Something about it made my eyes tear up. It wasn’t that Neil had transcended. It was that in a roundabout way, Daniel had caused it.
Daniel was a ripple on the water. He touched everyone. Even the people he’d never met.
Neil gave me one last lingering look. Then he let himself out. When he opened the door, Bri was standing there, her hand raised to knock. “Neil,” she said, looking surprised. “You in the wrong room? There’s some orphans downstairs. If you hurry you can catch them, tell them Santa isn’t real.”
He ignored the comment, and her dirty look, and left.
Bri came in with two salt-rimmed glasses and a pitcher of something that smelled like pure tequila.
“Margaritas!” she sang. “It’s super strong. I measured the Patrón with my heart.” She kicked the door closed behind her. “So what did Satan want?”
“He wanted to apologize.”
She set the glasses on my nightstand. “Like, actually?”
“I think so.” I sat on the bed. “He’s giving me the house.”
“Really?”
“That’s what he said. Also, my dad put me next to him at dinner tomorrow,” I added.
“Of course he did.” She stuck a finger in her mouth like she was gagging.