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She started pouring our drinks. “I wouldn’t put too much stock in that apology. Just so you know, nine out of ten times, people like that don’t actually change. They just learn to be better manipulators, so you think they did, and then they do allll the same shit.”

I nodded. “I know. They don’t always change.” I paused. “But I do believe he wants to.”

She thought about it for a moment and then bobbed her head. “Okay. I’ll give him that much.”

She handed me the pink concoction and plopped on the bed next to me with her own glass. “A toast,” Bri said. “To my soon-to-be-ex-husband. May he get that antibiotic-resistant strain of chlamydia.”

I laughed and we clinked our glasses. Then we took a sip and winced.

“Oh, my God.” I coughed.

“Whooo!” She shook her head, choking. “Wow. My check-liver light just went on.”

I laughed, making a face.

“I think we’ve already had enough.” She took my glass from me and put it on the dresser next to hers before sitting back down.

I lay back on the bed on top of the skirt of my dress, and she lay with me. We both stared at the ceiling, in a cloud of tulle.

“I miss him…” I whispered.

She paused for a long beat. “I know.”

We went quiet for a moment.

“I called him last night. I couldn’t help it. It feels impossible, Bri. How am I going to get through this?”

She turned to look at me. “You know what’s great about Derek and his wife? I’ve been thinking a lot about this.”

“What.”

“There’s nothing in it for him except for her. Your parents hate her. His friends don’t get it. He had to move to Cambodia to be with her. Nothing about their being together is simple. So you know he’s with her because he really loves her. There’s no other explanation.” She looked back at my ceiling fan. “There’s something so peaceful about that, to just hit zero fucks about everything else but the person you love.” She paused. “I wish I had that.”

“I love Daniel more than I’ve ever loved anyone, but it doesn’t make the rest of it disappear.”

“It’s not supposed to make it disappear. It just prioritizes things.”

I shook my head. “I should be happy right now,” I whispered. “I got my house. I got the job I wanted. My parents are off my back. I’m fulfilling my obligation to Royaume. Neil is finally going to be out of my life. I’m going to be able to help thousands of people, save lives, make a difference. And I am absolutely, one hundred percent miserable. I am so unhappy, Bri, I can’t even stand it. If all these things are so wonderful and so important and so meaningful, then why do I feel like this?”

“Because you can’t breathe.”

I lolled my head to look at her. “What?”

“You’re dead inside. You’ve lost the thing that gives you life.”

I watched her quietly. “Is that how you felt when Nick left?”

She scoffed. “Fuck no. You’re way worse than I was.”

I snorted.

“Seriously, I wouldn’t give that jackass the satisfaction. But you? You’re a mess.”

I laughed a little.

She turned to look at me. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah…”