Page 101

“We started dating sophomore year, and sometime that summer was the first time she left, and I mean really left town. We got into a fight about something small, something so simple I can’t even remember what it was, but I know it escalated way more than it should have. She left and didn’t say a word to anyone, not Riley or Cricket or her mom or anyone; she just disappeared. There were missing person posters everywhere and no sign of her anywhere. It was like she vanished into thin air.”

He tugs at the back of his neck. “I felt responsible, like it all came back on me, so I looked for her for months and months. Eventually a year went by, and I spent every moment I wasn’t in school searching Alabama for her, asking people if they’d seen her, emailing and mailing out those missing posters. I kept waiting for the worst news, kept hoping and praying she was safe. Even if she never came back, if she was just…safe, that was enough for me.”

Rowen clears his throat, and when he keeps talking, it sounds cracked and dry. “Then she came back. And she came back with you in her arms.”

I suck in a shaky breath as he continues. “I ran into her by coincidence. She didn’t even tell me she was coming back, but I saw her at the general store, a grocery cart full of diapers and formula and a tiny little Felicity wrapped in pink swaddling clothes on her chest.” He almost laughs. “It’s funny, my first thought, my only thought was, ‘Mine.’ You had to be mine, right?”

Rowen looks up at me and…he’s tearing up. Little drops forming in the corners of his eyes. Rowen and I have been through a lot together—I’ve held and loved on animals as we had to watch the vet put them to sleep, leaving us cold and tired. But even through it all, I’ve never once seen him close to crying. The act alone makes me slip off the bed and onto the floor next to him.

He sniffs. “You had these huge, I mean unreal, brown eyes.” Another laugh, another tear. “And you looked up at me and gave me this…megawatt smile, and I felt like my world tilted on its axis. Your mom wanted to grab lunch and talk, so I got her groceries and we walked to the tavern where she made it plain as day…you were not mine. You never had the chance to be, apparently. It had something to do with when she left, she found some other guy in Tennessee, but you know what, it doesn’t matter. She made it crystal clear that precious little girl in her arms wasn’t mine, and she was never going to be.”

I tug on the carpet of the rug below me, willing more out of him, willing more of the questions I’ve had my whole life to finally come into play.

“The funny thing is…I really didn’t care that you weren’t mine. I didn’t care whose you were, I just…wanted you safe too. So I tried to stay close. Tried to keep ties with your mom, even if it was from a distance. I tried to be there for you when I could. That’s why I donated your school lunches and—”

“That was you?” I ask. “I always thought it was Knox’s dad.”

He shakes his head. “And when you were so young and kept coming to watch the puppies in the window, even though I was struggling to pay my own bills, I offered you that stupid sweeping job because I felt like through it all, you needed someone there. It was never a pity job for breaking your mom’s heart, it was only my selfish desire to make sure you were okay, even if you were never officially mine.”

It’s so…so much to take in. So much that trying to breathe and keep my heart at a steady pace is taking effort.

I take in Rowen’s worried face, notice the crow’s-feet by his eyes, the curls in his short black hair. I don’t look at Rowen and think he could be my dad, but I do look at him and wonder if, maybe for the first time ever, I could allow him to be a parent.

Just like Riley isn’t my mom, he may not be my dad, but he is my Rowen.

“Anyway, that’s…all. I know it was a lot. I just couldn’t let you leave today thinking you had two different adults abandoning you. You have a room full of people that love you downsta—”

“Did you mean it?” I ask. “About it not mattering if I’m biologically yours and caring anyway. Did you mean that?”

He nods before I can finish asking. “I did. And I do. Going to work not knowing how you’re doing has been hard. Even when Riley comes to help out, we both spend the majority of the time talking about how worried we are about you, hoping Knox is doing the job that neither of us could do for you.”

“He is. He’s always the one that’s there when no one else is.”

Rowen dips his chin, standing up and wiping off his jeans. “He’s a really good guy.”

“Yeah.”

Maybe Rowen is too. No, I know he is. Even if he did lie straight to my face, I know he’s still good.

If I can see the good in my mom after all she’s done, can’t I see the good in a man that’s tried his hardest to be the closest thing to a dad in my life?

“Rowen.”

He stops in his tracks on the way to the door. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. For trying to take care of me all these years.”

“Oh. Yeah. I, uh, didn’t tell you that so I could get a thank-you. I just wanted you to know.”

“I know,” I say. “I still think you deserve a thank-you.”

Rowen smiles and opens the door. “You’re more than welcome, kid.”

Once left alone in Knox’s room, I make one last call to my mom—not as an attempt to actually reach her, not in hopes of her answering, but in the sole mission of getting a single message across.

“Hey! I’m probably busy at a shoot, but you know what to do. Leave a message after the beep.”

BEEP.