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He pulls out, rips the condom off, and spills across my back.

“Hhh… oh God… Shiiit.”

I feel the hot drops on my skin and lean my forehead on my forearm. Every second, every heartbeat, every breath is pure bliss, and I soak it all in.

It takes me a moment to collect myself. My whole body is still buzzing. I can’t believe how liberating that was. And how necessary. Fuck. Nahla was right. I was just too blind to see it.

“Kuso! What the hell was that?” I ask, still dazed. “What are we doing?”

Aran slowly strokes his cock. His body glistens with sweat, and his chest rises and falls heavily. He looks at me, his face mirroring my own surprise.

Then he laughs.

It’s a beautiful laugh and I wonder why I never noticed it. Or is this the first time he’s shown it to me?

“Wait a second.” Before I can react, he wipes the cum off my back with a paper towel.

I don’t move. Luke never cleaned me up.

“I need a shower,” he says with a laugh, wiping sweat from his forehead. “That… wasn’t exactly hygienic. I still have all the grime from rehearsal on me.”

“It was…” I’m at a loss for words as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “Exactly what I needed.”

Aran gazes at me with a satisfaction that confuses me.

“What?”

“Nothing… I was just wondering…” He casually tosses the condom in the trash, turns back to me, and pauses. “No. Forget it.”

An icy wave of insecurity crashes over me. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” he cuts me off. “Stop thinking like that. Why do you always go there?”

I know exactly why I go there. Luke spent three years conditioning me to believe I was useless without him—in every way. Even though I try every day to repeat my mantra and reprogram my brain, in moments like this, the reflex kicks in.

“It’s just that you…” I can barely form a full sentence.

“I was just wondering how someone like you is single.”

I squint in surprise. “What makes you say that?”

“Well… it’s obvious… you’re an attractive guy. Guys must be lining up for you.”

“Ha! You’re wrong about that,” I answer, amused and bitter at the same time.

“Yeah, looks like it.” Aran’s voice sounds guarded, like he’s retreating into his shell. “I’m gonna shower.”

He picks up his clothes and drapes the T-shirt over his shoulder. Before he leaves the kitchen, he turns back to me. “You really shouldn’t sell yourself so short.”

I stand there breathless and paralyzed, staring into Aran’s blue eyes. Just as I start to speak, he kisses me softly on the lips.

“There’s really no reason for that,” he adds, almost shy, then turns away and disappears into his room.

I watch him go and wonder why this man refuses to behave the way I expected from the beginning—loud, chaotic, antisocial, rude, with murderous tendencies.

Why isn’t he the monster I wanted him to be? That would make everything so much easier.

He’s so far from the monster I tried to see in him, offering instead the kind of support I secretly hoped to find. It makes everything far more complicated.