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Julian hissed, eyes flashing scarlet, but was back in control in the space of a heartbeat. “Then you know, Charlotte. If you saw that, then you know what I almost did.”

“No. I don’t know. I saw him order you to bring someone to him. Julian…was that…was that me?” I knew the answer in my heart. Of course, it was. It made too much sense.

“Yes. He ordered me to bring you to him. But when I got to you, you’d already seen what had happened. You’ve always been a psychic, Charlotte, thank the gods. You took your own life to prevent him from turning you.”

A vision overcame me as I grasped his arm. I dropped to the plush carpet, dragging him with me as I watched my own body, limp in Julian’s arms as he sobbed tears of blood. I’d slit my wrists and the dark red soaked the white gown I wore. It was me, my hair curled and pinned, but me. And Julian wore the same tunic he’d had in my other vision as he knelt, cradling me in tears.

“Charlotte?” Julian knelt before me again in the present, holding my hands to his unbeating heart.

Shaking myself, I stared at him. “Why did he want to turn me?”

“He’s been looking for a way for a vampire to maintain psychic powers when turned for longer than either of us has been alive. It is difficult to find psychics to experiment on, Charlotte—especially powerful ones. And though you didn’t have multiple abilities in that previous life, you were a powerful mind-bender. And an exceedingly beautiful one. He desired you in many ways. He wanted to make you his wife and find a way to maintain your powers after being turned. He thought he’d figured it out.”

“And if he turned me, he’d be able to control me forever.” I shivered. “But he knows who I am and that I’m on the island, Julian. He spoke to me.”

“Indeed. I’d hoped he wouldn’t learn of your whereabouts or even that you’d incarnated again. But when I left you outside with Carmichael, when investigating a murder—”

“He was the one you spoke to inside the mansion,” I said, understanding.

“I convinced him to leave. Or thought I had.” He shook his head. “When I opened that office door, when I found out he was the new sect leader, I had to leave immediately, or he’d demand I bring you to him. I couldn’t lose you again, Charlotte.” His voice trembled, and a single pink tear appeared in the corner of his eye.

“Why didn’t he turn me when I was there?” I asked, standing and taking Julian with me by the hand.

“He doesn’t want to make an enemy of SHADE. And if there’s one thing Silas is good at, it’s patience.”

“So now what?” I asked, dropping back down at the table with the pancakes sitting heavy in my stomach.

“We can leave together. We can run,” he said, holding my hands between his.

“I’m not running. I will not abandon my mother and sister like my father did. I will not run away like you and he have. I won’t hurt others.” My words seemed to drive home, and Julian flinched once again, releasing me. Twice in one morning, I’d visibly gotten to him.

“The only other alternative is to have another vampire turn you,” he said. “One who isn’t beholden to Silas.”

“What? No. that can’t be the only other alternative.”

Julian gave a half-smile. “You never have wanted that. Or we’d still be together from another life.”

Standing, I paced back to the bed and ran a hand over the gown. It had a ridiculously high slit on the side, I realized as I studied it.

“Why do I keep incarnating, Julian? Does it have to do with what people say about us being mates?” It was hard to look at him when I said that word. It made me flush. Such a physical thing. At least for shifters.

“Yes,” he said, hands sliding over my shoulders. “Yes, if a vampire’s mate does not become a vampire as well, then they will continue to be reborn until that happens.”

I turned, leaning against his chest and hugging him to me. “But we were human when we met, right?” I thought about the vision I’d seen once of him and his sister talking. He’d thought he could outsmart Silas then by making him an equal. I was sure Silas hadn’t admitted the part about being able to control him afterward.

“Yes, he whispered in my hair. I ruined what could have been such a beautiful life with you. Mates are uncommon for vampires. But if they are truly in love before being turned…”

I hugged him tighter.

“I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I deserve to lose you over and over again. But you deserve no such thing.”

“Oh Julian. You did what you thought was best. It was Silas that caused all this.” I finally looked up at him, my own eyes wet with tears. “Let’s do it differently this time. Let’s work together.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said, pleading. “If he turned you…”

“Then we won’t let him,” I said, reaching up to guide his face down to mine for another slow kiss. “We have support, Julian. We can fix this.”

“Charlotte, I—”