Page 8
He took a cookie, but knowing it would get stuck in his throat if he tried to eat it now, he held on to it and instead took a long swallow of lemonade. He needed to get this said.
“First, I want to apologize, Serena, for what I said, how I’ve acted. I had no right to get angry with you about keeping secrets within Option Zero. That was your job, and it was arrogant and stupid of me to expect you to tell me things that needed to be kept secret.”
He shook his head, more than a little ashamed at how he’d reacted to learning that she had known that Hawke was still alive and hadn’t told him. Instead of being happy his friend was still on this earth, he’d behaved like a giant ass.
Her expression soft and compassionate, she said, “I think we both know it really wasn’t about that. But it triggered something painful for you, and for that, I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for…but yes, it did ignite something in me that I thought I’d overcome.”
“I know there are things you don’t talk about…things that happened before we met. I hoped you could trust me with everything one day. I want to say I understand, Sean, but I don’t.”
“I know you don’t. And yes, I’ve kept things from you, things that are almost impossible to talk about, but I owe you the truth.”
“Yes, you do,” she said softly. She reached out and gently touched his hand. “I’m here for you, my love.”
Fighting the urge to fall on his knees, beg for her forgiveness, and hold her tight, he began to reveal the most painful time of his life.
“When I was teenager, a woman I had dated told me she was pregnant and that the baby was mine. I offered marriage. Bridget accepted but later changed her mind about both marriage and motherhood. Looking back on that now, it was a blessing that we never married.
“When Emma, my baby girl, was born, my life changed.” Swallowing past the giant lump in his throat, he added, “Forever.”
As he began to talk about the child he’d adored, he couldn’t help but appreciate Serena’s ability to just listen. She didn’t ask questions. There was no judgment on her face.
He tried to describe the joy that Emma had brought to both him and his stepmother. “I know that you and Brenda got off to a shaky start, and admittedly she’s not the warmest person in the world, but she was a totally different person with that little girl. Emma was her world.”
“Like she was yours,” Serena said softly.
“Yeah.” He breathed out a long breath. “And then it all fell apart.”
Only by concentrating on the anger igniting in her eyes as he explained how he lost his little girl was Sean able to get through the next part. He had spent years trying to put those horrific days behind him and not dwell on what might have been or what he could have done differently.
“After they left the country, I spent every cent I had or could borrow to try to find them. Even knowing she didn’t belong to me, that I had no legal rights, I couldn’t just let her go. Every private investigator gave me the same song and dance. It was like they’d just vanished into thin air. No one knew where they’d gone, where they’d taken her.
“A few months after they left, Brenda had a second stroke. I was out of money, out of hope. I did the only thing that made sense to me. I gave up, moved to Florida to help her out, and started a new life.”
He braced himself for the hardest part. “I was still a kid, still wet behind the ears. Brenda’s second stroke wasn’t as bad as the first one had been, but she seemed happy living with her sister. I stayed with them awhile and then got a job and an apartment. Tried to find my purpose. A new life. And then…” He took another breath. “I got a letter from Marsh Bixby, the attorney I had back home. Along with the letter were copies of two death certificates. One for Bridget…and one for Emma.”
“Oh, Sean, no,” Serena said softly. “What happened?”
“Car wreck. Police report said that Emma wasn’t buckled in. They were pronounced dead at the scene.”
He wasn’t sure when it happened, but Serena had moved closer to him and was holding both his hands in hers. The warmth of her touch was all he could feel. Everything else just felt numb and empty.
“I went back home, found her gravesite.” His voice thickened. “It was just this plain little marker with her name on it and her birth and death dates. Nothing about what a bright and beautiful child she was or how much joy she brought to those who loved her.”
He couldn’t talk after that, so they sat there for several moments, not speaking. Birds sang in the trees, a slight breeze swept over them, and in the distance, a cow mooed in a field. It was quiet and peaceful, and in a way, it felt spiritual, as if Emma had come down from heaven for just a bit.
Knowing he needed to move forward, he cleared his throat and said, “I kind of lost myself after that. Didn’t really care about anything. Ended up joining the military, but nothing mattered at that point. I joined mostly because I didn’t have anything else. And then, as you know, I got even more stupid and married Teresa.”
Looking back, he could give Teresa some grace. Their brief marriage had been a stupid-assed decision and bad from the beginning. They’d married only a few months after meeting. They’d never talked, really. The sex had been good, but that was basically all they’d had. He’d been gone for months at a time, deployed to various parts of the world, and she had found more than one man to keep her company during those absences. He’d come home for a quick surprise visit, and the surprise had been more than he’d expected when he’d found her in their bed with another man.
He’d gathered his things and had been out of the apartment before she could get her clothes on. Last he’d heard, she was on husband number four.
Trusting anyone after two disastrous relationships had been impossible. He’d gone back to base, and life had changed for him. He wouldn’t say it had been better, because he’d fallen into a black pit of depression too many times to count. But he’d ended up finishing college and getting a law degree while still in the military. After that, he’d gotten tapped for some special assignments and had ended up meeting his OZ brothers along the way.
Then, one day, he had been rounding a corner and had literally bumped into an angel. He hadn’t seen the coffee stain on her blouse, her thick glasses or messy hair or that she’d been wearing shoes of two different colors. She had told him all of that later. What he had noticed was a beautiful, sunny smile, a soft, infectious laugh, and an unbelievably kind soul. Serena had changed his life that day.
“I wish you had told me about Emma before,” she said, “but I can only imagine how painful that must have been for you.”