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“It was stupid of me not to tell you.” He shrugged, suddenly feeling inexplicably tired. “I guess I thought if I told myself enough times it didn’t happen and if no one in my life knew about it, I’d eventually put it behind me.”
What an idiotic, selfish hope. Forget Emma? As if he could ever do that. As if he ever should want to forget his precious baby girl.
And because he’d buried his head in the sand and not faced his demons head-on, he had hurt this beautiful, wonderful woman.
“Causing you any kind of pain is the last thing I want, Serena. And that’s why…” His jaw clenching with what he was about to do, he pulled out the envelope, placed it on the table, and slid it toward her.
Her face went pale as she looked down at the legal-sized envelope and then up at him. “Sean,” she whispered. “No.”
“It’s for the best, sweetheart. You deserve someone who’s not going to go ape crap every time there’s an issue he can’t handle.”
“Okay, Sean, yes, you overreacted, which is understandable. But I should have—”
“No, stop right there. You did nothing wrong. This is all on me. I acted like an ass. Not only did I hurt you, I hurt everyone at OZ, especially Hawke. Instead of being happy my friend was alive, I stomped out of there like a self-righteous prick.”
He had called Hawke and apologized, but explaining why he’d been such a douchebag went beyond his ability. Spilling his guts was not one of his skills.
“That was an emotional time for everyone. You weren’t the only one who was hurt.”
“No, but I’m the only one who took off like a petulant teenager.”
“All right, fine. You screwed up, overreacted. It’s over and done with. You move on.”
“And that’s what I’m doing.”
“By destroying our marriage?”
A knife to the gut couldn’t have hurt worse. “I can’t be the man I need to be for you, Serena. You deserve someone better.”
“There’s no one better than you, Sean. I just wish you could see that.”
Arguing with her would do no good. Serena always saw the best in people, and he never wanted that to change. But she saw things in him that he believed no longer existed. Maybe they never had.
She grabbed his left hand and caressed the ring he still wore. “This still means something to you, or you wouldn’t be wearing it. Fight for us, Sean. Fight for me. This isn’t you. You don’t give up or back down. You’re a fighter. If I know nothing else about you, I know this.”
She was right. He used to be a fighter. But now? Now he just wanted to make things right, and the only way to do that was to let this wonderful woman find the happiness she deserved.
He was beyond speaking now. Allowing her to come to terms with what he was asking of her was the best he could do. He watched her as she stared down at the envelope. The look on her face was one that would stay with him until the end of time. She looked like she was staring at a poisonous viper.
Finally, she spoke, her voice wistful. “The day I married you I told you that I would give you anything you asked of me if it was within my power.” She released a soft, sobbing breath and added, “This isn’t what I meant.”
“I know that, Serena, and I’m so very sorry.”
Her hand visibly shaking, she opened the envelope and withdrew the pages. Without looking at them, she said, “Do you have a pen?”
“You’re not going to read them?”
“No.”
Taking a pen from his shirt pocket, he placed it on top of the divorce decree. His attorney had placed yellow sticky notes where she needed to sign, and she flipped the page to the first one.
The pen poised over the document, she looked up at him, her eyes swimming with tears. “I’m signing this because it’s what you’ve asked me to do. But know this: A document will never tell me whether I’m married or not. My heart took you as my husband long before we signed our marriage license, and no paper on earth is going to tell me I’m no longer married to you. You will be my husband until my last breath. Whether I’m your wife is up to you.”
Then she rapidly signed her name to the various places required and shoved the pages back into the envelope.
“Can’t you see I’m doing this for you, Serena? So you can have the happiness you deserve. I’m not the man who can give you that.”
Her expression full of compassion, she shook her head. “No, Sean, you’re doing this for you. At least be honest about that.”