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Chapter 19 – Evan

Parker, my little puck, lies naked next to me. I can’t stop touching him, caressing him.

A hunger drives me. As if I wanted to make sure he’s really right here beside me. As if I had to make up for what I’ve been missing for years.

Skin-to-skin contact.

Parker traces my tattoos, runs his hand over my stomach, and plants little tender kisses on my shoulder.

He loves me.

The thought is too surreal and magical. This sort of thing doesn’t usually happen to me.

Touching him is velvet on my soul. I’m starving for it. For closeness, for him. The more I touch him, the more I want him.

Parker presses himself closer to me. He must be realizing the effect he has on me against his thigh right now.

“What are you planning to do this summer, during your break?”

I kiss his forehead. “No idea. Maybe Derek has some new brands I’ll have to work with.”

Parker lets out a reluctant sound. “Aren’t you taking time off?”

“Are you taking time off?” I ask.

He kisses my chest, right where his head is resting. “I’ve been thinking I need to break away from Simon. I’ve only had a few days off so far. He won’t be happy if I want to take time off again this summer, but that was my first vacation ever since I started working there. I’m not his servant. Simon has to understand that I’m not a new hire who unquestioningly does everything he’s told. I should’ve been making that clear for years now. But better late than never.”

“That’s good.” What is Parker getting at? I don’t even want to ask him, for fear that he has some plans involving me that will overwhelm me.

He nods, licks my skin, and blows on it, making the tiny hairs stand on end. “You like that.” he says, lost in thought.

I run a hand through his hair and hold his head. “Do you have any plans for your vacation?” His kisses cloud my mind, and the words slip out on their own.

“I was wondering if we could go somewhere? Somewhere where you can relax after the season.”

My first thought is that I’ll have to do that without him. Or that we’ll stay here. Instead, I try to buy myself some time to think. “What did you have in mind?”

“No idea.” Parker runs his hand down my arm and onto my back. “Europe?”

“Hmm. Blake has a house by the sea in Belgium with his family. Katleen, his wife, is from there. They’re there a lot.”

“Ah. Have you gone with them?” Parker leans back slightly and studies me.

I shake my head. “He’s invited me many times. But I’ve always turned him down. Never wanted to be the third wheel.” Even now, it’s not that simple. We can’t go with Blake without me having talked to him first. Passing Parker off as a good friend I want to spend the off-season with is completely absurd, even to me. Going alone would be one option.

That familiar, stressful restlessness is boiling up inside me again. I have to plan, lie, and figure out how to juggle my various lives. The certainty that I’m not enough, neither for the team nor for Parker, is almost overwhelming.

Parker strokes my cheek. “Hey. Where have your thoughts wandered off to now? We don’t have to do anything. I don’t want to stress you out. But daydream a little. Or night dream.” He looks at me so openly that I feel like a total jerk.

“You’re right.” I’m not only reassuring him, but myself as well. “Let me think about it.”

I’m allowed to dream. Just like back then, when I dreamed as a kid of playing hockey here in New York, and it became reality: I must be allowed to hope for this dream. And maybe it’ll become a reality, too. “I want to talk to Blake and Sid, anyway. I could do that after the playoffs, before everyone disappears. While I’m at it, I’ll ask Blake if the invitation to Belgium still stands. I’d love to spend a few days away from here with you. But safely. He’ll understand. His sister-in-law is married to a woman.”

Parker beams at me, kissing my chin, tracing the line of my jaw up to my ear. “Yeah? Planning-Evan is incredibly sexy, you know that?”

Shaking my head, I pull him close, and he continues to nibble on me.

But his words linger. “We could go out to eat with them. Maybe Sid and Valentina will have time, too. I hear there are great sweets in Belgium.”