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I take a harsh sip and feel the burn in the back of my throat. It feels oddly good.

“Okay, let’s get into it,” Tessa says, sliding into the chair across from me and pulling one of the glasses toward herself. Fitz sits too, and I give them all the details, stopping to fight back tears more than once.

“See? This? This crying, this is not me. What happened? When did I become such a sap?”

“When you fell for a guy and then did the stupid thing and walked away like you always do.”

“Is this where you question all my life choices?” I ask, ready for a sisterly beatdown. I probably deserve it.

“No, but maybe it’s where I get you to see that you don’t always have to be moving on. There’s nothing inherently bad about staying in one place and settling in.”

“To me, there is. It feels suffocating.”

I try to muster the feeling I had the other day when Luke asked if I’d stay. The knee-jerk feeling of being strangled seems to have subsided, but I can’t put my finger on the new feeling that has replaced it.

Tessa slices another wedge of cheese and hands it to me. “Eat more cheese. It solves many of life’s problems.”

Fitz laughs. “It solves zero problems. I love this family, but I will never understand your obsession with cheese.”

“And you agreed to marry him?” I grimace and point at Fitz with my thumb. He pretends to frown. “Aw, you know we love you. But seriously, get on the cheese program, will you already?”

Obediently, Fitz saws off his own piece of the smoked cheddar and makes a dramatic show of taking a large bite. “I’m in. Happy?”

Tessa and I both nod. It’s the first time I feel a shred of levity return. Maybe this will be okay. I just need time to heal my wounds. And maybe I need to go back to LA. Change of scenery will remind me of my normal life priorities.

“So let’s get into it…” The dire tone in Tessa’s voice makes my insides bunch up. I prepare for a lecture. Tessa pushes her chair back and comes over to hug me from behind. “Relax. You’re going to get through this.”

I nod, words catching in my throat as I try to agree. “I know. See, this is why I don’t get attached. This feeling. I hate this.”

Fitz sits there nodding and stroking his beard like a philosophical thinker, but he says nothing.

“Why do I feel like you hold the keys to the universe, Fitz? Share those deep thoughts, please.”

He gives me a half smile and takes a sip of his drink. “Okay, this is my observation, but maybe this feeling is proof that maybe you’re ready to get attached.”

I hold up a hand. “No. Absolutely not. I’m ready to get out of here and figure out what’s next. I’m a free spirit, Fitz. It’s in my bones.”

“Is it?” Tessa asks.

“Why are you asking me that? You know me. I’ve always been this way. Like, from birth.”

Tessa shakes her head. “You’re the youngest of five overbearing sisters. And then our parents died. Of course you were going to have to yell the loudest to get noticed, and no surprise it feels easier to keep moving than to stay still and risk getting left behind.”

It’s the first time she’s ever laid it out like this. It’s the first time anyone has. I’m in the middle of a bite of cheddar cheese and have trouble getting it down because my throat locks up and I feel a new round of tears coming on.

“See this? This is not normal for me. Have you ever seen me bawl like this? I must just be tired.”

“Or you’re in love with a guy—and his son—and you don’t want to leave. Your head is saying to do it out of habit, and maybe fear, but your heart is telling you it’s not right.”

I’m preparing a rebuttal. She has to be wrong. If not, everything I know about myself comes into question, and I can’t handle that. And yet, I can’t think of anything to say.

I suddenly feel…lost. And it’s the worst feeling in the world.

“It’s not smart to let my heart be in charge.” It’s one of my inalienable truths. I’ve avoided pain and sadness by listening to my head instead.

I expect my sister to chime in with another opinion on where I’ve gone wrong, but instead, it’s her broody cowboy who clears his throat and stands up like he’s addressing a crowd.

“It may not be my place, but I’ve been through some shit, and I’ve been where you’re sitting right now. Mostly out of habit. Partly out of fear. And I almost walked away from the very best part of my life.” He puts a hand on my sister’s shoulder. “I haven’t spent one minute second-guessing my decision to let her into my heart. Not one. Proof you can change and not lose sight of yourself.”