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I shake my head. “That was different.”
“It wasn’t.”
You know those moments when everything you always thought you knew suddenly makes no sense? It’s completely destabilizing. If I don’t have my rock-solid beliefs about myself, I might as well be floating in the ocean. Unless…maybe things change.
“All I know is that I’m tipsy and tired. Probably a good formula for crashing hard and not thinking about my life for a few hours at least.”
Tessa hugs me, and Fitz comes around to make it a three-way family hug fest. “I love you both. Thank you for coming on short notice.”
“We’re family. It’s what we do,” Tessa says. “Which is why we’re spending the night here with you.” I start to protest, but she shakes her head. “It’s happening. Get some rest. It will all look brighter in the morning.”
I really hope she’s right, but it’s hard to believe anything will make my heart whole again.
CHAPTER 31
Luke
“I guess I’ve been deluding myself all along,” I tell Ryan as we ride out to the pasture to check on the new calf and the rest of the herd. Normally, I’d love a day like today. Scattered white puffy clouds, warm air, the quiet of open land, the smell of grass.
“It’s what happens when you fall hard. You lose perspective,” he says. “It’s why I haven’t dated a woman in a year. Just easier that way. Keeps my focus where it needs to be.”
I steer us to a cow who’s lying down, wanting to check that she looks healthy. Her ears prick up when we approach, and she trundles to her feet. I get off my horse and go over to her, talking quietly so I don’t spook her. She lets me approach, and I pet her head while Ryan comes over to feel her belly, which looks slightly swollen.
“We might have another calf on the way,” he says, continuing to palpate her flank. She lets him do it, which tells me he’s probably correct.
“Late in the season, but I’ll take it. Provided she doesn’t try to murder me when she’s in labor.”
“Pretty sure that was on you,” I remind him. Not that he needs me to say it.
We get back on the horses and ride among the cattle, like we always do. “So what’re you gonna do?” Ryan asks.
“About the late calf?”
“No, about your life. I’m confused about all of this. She has a house up here and a job to do. She has you and Scout. Why didn’t she stay?”
I shake my head. No point in regretting what’s done. Don’t need to think about it because I’ve already spent a week doing nothing but that.
“Because people don’t stay. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson after Elizabeth, but I guess I’m just very thick in the head. But I fucking get it now.”
“Oh, spare me the self-pity. The bullshit relationship you had with Elizabeth was nothing like what you have with Callie. Anyone around you for five minutes can see that.”
I yank a branch off a bush and chuck it. Doesn’t come close to getting my frustration out, but there are about a hundred thousand bushes out here, so there’s hope. “Does it matter? It ended the same way.”
“Stop, okay? Just knock it off. It only ended because you let her walk away. That’s on you.”
“Yeah, because the last thing I can take is for her to be here when she doesn’t want that. I’d rather be alone than clip her sails.”
I start guiding our horses out of the field, but Ryan guides them the other way, toward the fence we fixed last week. Guess it won’t hurt to check and make sure it’s still sturdy.
When we get over there, he dismounts and sits on the fence, which is apparently sturdy. He shows no intention of moving, so I roll my eyes, tie my horse up as well, and join him. “Why do I feel like I have a lecture coming my way?”
“Because I guess you’re smart about at least one thing.”
“You’re an ass.”
He shrugs. “Not saying you’re wrong. Please tell me you at least put up some kind of fight. Told her how you feel. Tried to help her get past whatever mistaken crap she’s deluding herself with and acted like the bigger person.”
“What would’ve been the point of that, to make her feel guilty?”
