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The realization of what he showed me hit like a fist in the sternum, hard. I wanted to double over from the pain that rocked through me.

I staggered on, attempting to maintain my façade, but inwardly, my chest caved in.

Kham didn’t press, but he didn’t release me from the accusation, either.

I swallowed hard. ‘I didn’t… that’s not… I don’t want that,’ I told him genuinely. ‘But, Kham, I don’t think I know how not to do this. If I let it all in, I won’t be able to place one foot in front of the other.’

‘How do you know, unless you try?’

‘If you’re wrong, and I try, everyone loses. Most of all, Grace! How am I supposed to look her in the eye and tell her I did everything I could, if I’m opening myself up to failure—’

‘Feeling the truth is not failure. And you succeed by giving yourself into the hands of those who love you—who truly love you—and you endure when it’s hard. When it hurts.’

‘But it all hurts.’

Kham’s compassion almost stripped me down, even with the bond so closed. ‘I know, dear boy. I know. It’s why I’m here. I was sent. For you. Let me help you in the ways I know how.’

I trembled and my feet felt like they might slide out from under me with every step. Confusion and fear pounded as surely on the door of my heart as I’d watched Grace do in Kham’s vision.

I didn’t want that. But what choice did I have?

Let me help you in the ways I know how…

I took a deep breath. ‘I’ll try, Kham.’

‘Stop trying. Start trusting.’

‘But I don’t feel trust!’

‘Trust isn’t a feeling. It’s the decision to take a risk. It’s giving in to something or someone whether you feel safe in it or not. The fear is of whether they’ll honor the trust you give. The Creator will. I will. Grace will.’

My hands trembled as I marched across the wide, grand entrance to the castle. Fearful they’d betray me, I shoved my hands into my pockets. There were witnesses here. Servants. Guards. Nobles waiting for their carriages, who planned to watch the hunt.

I couldn’t break down! I had to be the cold, controlling, selfish leader. I had to be what they viewed as power.

‘No, you don’t.’

‘I do if I want to deceive them. They’re the ones I need to defeat right now.’

Kham had more to say, but I couldn’t listen. I couldn’t. The fear was eating me alive, and I couldn’t stand before these people—I couldn’t defeat Breckon and protect Grace and defeat my mother while my mind spiraled into abject terror.

But I could only vaguely sense the direction Grace lay in—and I couldn’t sense her in detail at all.

‘Kham, I’m losing her.’

He sighed. ‘You will not lose her, because we will help you. Koa remains with her, out of sight. And I will remain with you. We will direct you to her.’

I inhaled deeply, then released the breath slowly. ‘Thank you.’

‘I will never leave you, Voski. No matter what.’

I knew he meant what he said. But that dark little niggle came.

Was he only now learning how dark I was? Would he truly stay if I did the worst of which I was capable? Could he remain if I was a monster?

I didn’t want that. Never had. But I was capable of it, I knew. And if that’s what it took to win Grace from these festering boils of humanity, I would do it.

Even if it cost me Kham?