Page 99

Kham growled. ‘Feelings are not weakness unless they press you toward a lie. Feeling the truth is strength. To do otherwise is to strip yourself of your humanity, which is the best part of you.’

‘My humanity is my greatest weakness against this crowd.’

‘Frankly, Voski, that is bullshit. Deception is your greatest weakness—whether you deceive yourself, or are deceived by others, it will lead you down the wrong path. Right now, it leads you toward your own darkness. Don’t allow it.’

I wanted to rant. I wanted to rage. I wanted to face him down and ask him how the fuck he expected me to achieve any safety for Grace if I was a chittering mess of childish terror. But I swallowed the question back and turned my mind to questions and answers that might get us somewhere.

‘I assume Koa has stayed with Grace?’

‘Yes. And she’ll remain in touch, allowing me to direct you. We’ll both fly high enough that we won’t be perceived by weak human eyes. There are some clouds tonight, as well.’

That helped me breathe easier. We’d all agreed that in the worst-case scenario—Breckon reaching her ahead of me—they would swoop in and steal her away. I’d flee all of this if that’s what it took to keep her safe. But it wasn’t what we aimed for.

But then, as I strode down the main hallway in the castle, that little chamber in my chest that was shaped like Grace went quiet.

I frowned and nudged it.

But there was no response.

And my awareness of her was fading.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

‘Kham! I’m losing connection with Grace—what the fuck? She’s not even out of the castle, is she? Our bond was working better, we were reaching each other from farther away—have they drugged her? Or harmed her in some way?’

‘No, Voski.’ Kham’s voice was dark and grim. When he didn’t continue, I almost stopped walking and had to fight the urge to swear out loud.

‘What? What is it?’

‘You almost severed us from each other with that idiotic foray into the void. We lost you both for a time. On top of that, Grace remains afraid and isolated by your insistence not to feel. Of course it’s affecting how distinctly you can perceive each other. And perhaps your range as well.’

I started to sweat. ‘I didn’t sever anyone! I was saving her!’

‘You stepped into the darkness. You chose it, Voski. Own that, at least. No one pressed you to that decision.’

‘But—’

‘If you want to win this with your heart intact, you must stop focusing on the enemy, and focus instead on your mate. Give her everything. Be willing to give all—even yourself—for her sake.’

‘I am! That’s why I’m even here!’

‘Except to feel,’ Kham protested. ‘Don’t you understand it yet? The lock is on the inside.’

I actually grimaced, I was so confused. ‘What? What are you talking about?’

Kham reached for me in the bond—the sensation of curling his leg around me, holding me to his belly, of hiding me under his wing. It was affection, and protection, and intimacy. And it made my skin crawl.

He gave a low groan, as if he were pained. ‘This is what I always urged you to face: until you can find trust—in the Creator, in me, in Grace—to love you and keep you safe, even when you fall apart, or fail, or are wrong, you will never let go of your heart.

‘And as long as you hold yourself behind walls for your own protection, you will harm yourself, and others. Every single time. You remove yourself from pain—but also from love. You have done this your entire life—learned it.

‘I’ve tried to show you another way. It seems the Creator would ask you to walk a path that requires it. Do not fail, Voski.’

Then he sent me an image of Grace—pleading with me, pursuing me down a corridor, weeping—but I fled ahead of her, outpacing her as I sprinted down spiraling, narrow stairs until I reached a dark, dank dungeon under the ground, where I threw the door closed behind me and turned to face it, panting.

Grace slammed into it, pounding her fists on the other side, crying, pleading with me. But I didn’t open the door. And she couldn’t get in.

Because the lock was on the inside.