Page 8
“You think?” I sneered.
“Bash—”
“I’m fine, Brother. I need to sit with this for a bit. Go home to your girl. Kiss her for me.”
The screen went dark. For a second I stared at it, wishing it would flicker back on and I could see their faces again. I missed them all so much. It tore my heart out to see Sebastian upset. The way his voice cut through everything else physically hurt.
Pasha sat silently beside me. A sharp ache spread outward as I dragged in a breath that didn’t quite fill my lungs. My phone rang, startling me. Marcel’s name flashed on the screen.
I swiped to answer. “You did so well. We knew that was going to be hard,” he said.
I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “What if he’s right, though,” I whispered, my fingers tightening around the phone. “Maybe this is wrong.”
“Only you can answer that question, Isabella. You wouldn’t have thought about it if it didn’t resonate with you. Listen to your gut. What is it telling you?”
“That I have to do this.”
“Then it’s not wrong.”
I let out a quiet breath, my gaze dropping before lifting again, searching for something to hold on to. Pasha. Thank God he was here. He hadn’t pulled away. If anything, he seemed more anchored now, his attention fixed entirely on me.
“He hates me now.”
“No. He’s afraid for you and that is different. He’ll come around.”
His words didn’t erase the sting, but the worry shifted. Pasha’s hand found mine beneath the table. The contact was everything. It steadied my racing thoughts, and the unraveling retreated.
“He may need some time to catch up to this new Isabella is all.”
Time. Everything seemed to come back to that. I swallowed, then drew in a deeper breath. After a few more words of encouragement, we ended the call. I still clung to Pasha’s hand, needing his strength more than ever.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
He frowned. “For what?”
“It’s a big ask. You going against my brother. I know how close you two have become. I don’t want to make this harder on you.”
“Bella this isn’t about me or your brother,” he replied. “It’s all about you. You’re choosing yourself. He just hasn’t caught up to that yet. Probably has everything to do with his lingering guilt. I know I asked earlier if you and Mouse had ever talked about things. Have you and Bash?”
“No. Not really. A little here and there…”
“Okay. So maybe this is the way it starts. Confronting the horrors head on, reclaiming the lost pieces of yourself can bring about healing. You’ve established that is what you are aiming for here.”
“Do you honestly think it’s that easy?”
He gave a rueful chuckle. “Honestly, yes I do. I’ll be honest with you. A part of me is terrified that I’ll do or say the wrong thing. I know your normal reaction to difficult things is to shut down. We have a signal now but maybe it would be a good idea for us to discuss exactly what you need from me. Boundary lines and such.”
“You do love being on the same page don’t you?” I asked, trying to ease some of the tension. My throat tightened.
“You know I do. I’m not a mind-reader, Bella. And I’d rather not make a mistake with something so crucial. Do you think you can put it into words for me?”
Could I? What did I expect? What was reasonable?
This was uncharted territory, and as uncomfortable as I was, he deserved honesty. I took a deep breath and shifted slightly in my seat. I drew my knees in just enough to anchor myself before I looked back at Pasha.
“There are probably going to be moments where I don’t react the way you might expect,” I continued. “Or I might be triggered or remember things I didn’t before. I might shut down. Or I might… feel too much all at once.”
I swallowed, forcing myself to keep going.
