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“I know for a fact that I don’t want to be pulled out of it unless I truly lose it. But I also don’t trust myself to recognize when that line gets crossed.”
Pasha inclined his head. “So you need me to read you.”
“Yes,” I breathed. “And to step in without making it feel like I’ve lost control.”
The distinction mattered. More than I could properly explain.
“And if you push me away?” he asked.
“I might,” I admitted. “I probably will. But I won’t mean it. Not really.”
Honesty sat there between us, fragile but necessary. There was a pause before Pasha spoke again.
“Okay so is this permission to make the executive call?”
I nodded.
“Words, please,” he instructed.
His voice held an authoritative tone that, if any other man used, would get under my skin. But his didn’t. In fact, it sent a shiver down my spine, and my mouth opened, relief coursing through me in waves.
“Yes, Sir,” I said. “This is me giving you permission.”
It only made sense to allow him to make that call. I trusted this man. He may challenge me, but he was fiercely protective too. And I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Just giving him permission felt like handing over pieces of myself I’d spent years trying to hold together. But in the same breath, it felt right.
“There’s something else. The elephant in the room here,” I said after a moment, glancing toward Pasha before continuing. “Telling the family about us.”
I lifted my gaze, feeling uncertainty creep in.
“Yeah, we probably should discuss it,” he said.
Sebastian’s reaction flashed through my mind again. The previous tension raced back in. “How impossible do you think he is going to be?”
“Truthfully, the main issue is he isn’t just reacting as a typical big brother.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s been the one training me. Day in and day out. He’s watched how I think, how I move, how I handle control in a scene. He will have a hard time separating that from us being a couple.”
Understanding and embarrassment rushed through me, heating my face. I hadn’t thought about it in that context.
“That changes his perspective. It’s one thing to know someone in theory. It’s another to see it up close. To be part of it. How uncomfortable are you when Kinsley and Tori discuss intimate things in regards to the guys?”
I groaned. It did make me uncomfortable sometimes, especially because I’d known the Kings my entire life.
“Not to mention, we haven’t even had a proper discussion about certain aspects for us as a couple. Mainly intimacy and…limits.”
My heart sunk. He was right. I knew this was going to be a bridge we would have to cross. The problem was that I wasn’t totally against it. Clearly, I could be submissive. When I felt like it. He made me feel like I could safely be that with him.
But that stirred up other emotions. Ones that might be best discussed with Marcel. Maybe as a couple? He did specialize in that kind of thing. And he’d know what questions to ask me to make me think critically.
He’d be a sounding board and could clear up any confusion either of us had along the way.
Pasha
Silence stretched between us, and my heart thumped hard in my chest. The fact that she wasn’t shutting down on me already was huge. I let her take some time to absorb and sit with things. Time to turn it over.
One aspect that I’d flourished in was observation. It had a lot to do with the need to nail choreography my entire life. Watching was like second nature to me. All the intimate moments I’d had with Isabella to date—her reactions had been catalogued in my mind.
