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“He wanted to make sure I was coming to his wedding. And he asked me if I was bringing anyone…” Nikolai squeezes my hand. “I told him, maybe. Then, he said I sounded different, and I said yeah. He said I sounded like I was in love.”

A dangerous and tempting shiver coursed through me.

“That’s a wild thing to say,” I murmur.

“He sounded a little drunk. Or happy. Lia’s brought out the best in him.”

His voice falters.

“What?” I ask, knowing it’s about before, knowing it’s about DC.

“He’s having an issue there. Some gangs acting up. Maybe connected to Cordero. Maybe not. He’s going to need all his resources. But even then, he offered them, Serena. He wanted to help. But I need to do this alone. I have to.”

“Do you think you need to pay him back?” I ask, my voice as gentle as I can make it.

He looks at me like I’ve burned him, but he doesn’t move away. He pulls me closer to him.

“I owe him a debt,” he says thoughtfully. “A debt of blood.”

“You were outrunning your demons for months,” I say softly. “Dancing, drinking, and fighting. And now you’re back, and you feel as if… what? You have to pay?”

“You don’t understand,” he says huskily. “I made a mistake.”

“I remember you said you tried to save someone.”

He shudders. “Two people. A woman and her child. From a trafficking ring. And our enemy got his hands on them, took them as hostages. I was so damn scared, Serena. I thought I…”

“What?” I urge.

He looks toward the ocean. The moon reflecting in his eyes. “I thought I loved this woman, Serena. I thought that’s what it was. But I know now. I just wanted to save her. I just wanted to be a hero.”

“How do you know you didn’t love her?” I ask, my throat dry.

He turns to me, eyes smoldering. “Because I met you.”

CHAPTER 24

NIKOLAI

Her first instinct is to laugh. Beautifully. Sarcastically. She laughs and shakes her head. “You can’t use lines like that on me,” she says tightly, as though she’s trying to convince herself. “They don’t work.”

“It’s not a line,” I tell her, my voice steady. I’m speaking quietly partly because it’s nighttime, but mostly so I can listen out for anyone. No one will be sneaking up on us. “We should head back to the apartment.”

She looks around, raising her hands. “Why? We’re alone, aren’t we? We’re safe.” She moves closer to me, softening her voice. “Maybe you just don’t want to talk about this, and that’s okay. We can wait. But I’m here for you.”

I swallow, suddenly there again, experiencing a rush of what I thought was love. But it was something else. It was like I was building myself up. Earning a prize. Becoming a savior.

“I’m not trying to take it there, to love. I know that’s insane. But when we started talking, it was like I suddenly understood it was nothing close. Because this is the start of something, Serena. I can’t make any big declaration, and I can’t promise you the world.” I brush the hair from her cheek, looking down into her bright, uncertain eyes. “And I don’t think you’d want me to. But I know this is the beginning.”

“It could be,” she says tightly. “I… I feel it too.”

I smile lightly. “You don’t have to sound so annoyed about that.”

She leans against my hand. “You know why I might need time…” She flashes another look at me.

I turn to the beach, looking at the glistening moon on the dark waves. Everything is going to change now. Maybe that’s why she’s right. That’s why I have to tell her.

“I might’ve been a cold prick all my life,” I murmur. “Maybe it came from not being able to save my mother. I went to therapy once. And that’s what the lady said.”