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She massages my arm, looking up at me, saying nothing.

“Just once,” I go on. “Then I walked the hell out of there. My father was a piece of shit, it’s true, and he was cruel to her, that’s true too. My older brother raised me, so he was suffering too. And I couldn’t do a damn thing. So yeah, maybe I tried to do good. In whatever limited way a Bratva man can.”

“That’s something to be proud of,” she whispers.

"That’s what I thought too. For years, I did my part. Then I discovered Rachael and Mikey. She was being trafficked. It was absolutely abhorrent, the things they were doing. I cared. I wanted to help. But then it got twisted up. It’s like I was…”

My voice shudders. This is far more difficult than I thought it was going to be.

“It’s okay,” Serena says softly, just waiting, not pushing.

I’m not listening anymore. I try to focus. But it’s like the past is swallowing me up. “I was drunk on it, on being the big tough savior. I put her up in a safe house and got sloppy, overconfident. One of our enemies found Rachael and her son. They… they used them. Against me. To turn me against Maksim and the organization.”

I bow my head, staring at the sand.

“I knew of a young man through one of our contacts. Daniel. Clean record, but he’d been running scams for a while. He wanted to make some cash… and these men, Serena, they’d already done some bad things to Rachael. They showed me proof. And they were going to do worse.”

“Oh, no,” she says, her voice grave.

“I paid Daniel to break in, but then they got to him. They killed him.”

She drops her hand in shock. Or maybe she just doesn’t want to touch me anymore.

“But it gets worse. They video-called me with Rachael and Mikey in the frame. They’d tied them to chairs and were dousing the floor in gasoline. They said if I didn’t bring Lia to them… Maksim’s girl… his soon-to-be wife… if I didn’t bring her, they’d burn them alive. I knew they were telling the truth.”

She stares up at me with wide, terrified eyes. “So, you got her?” she asks.

“Yeah.” I bow my head. “I hate myself for it. But I was so scared. Mikey was whining and begging for help. And Rachael was screaming at me to save her baby. But I never meant for it to get so out of control. Lia had to save herself, to survive. Luckily, they made it. But a lot of carnage was caused by me trying to be a damn hero, Serena.”

I slump back against the dune, knowing this changes everything. She’s never going to see me in the same way again.

We sit side by side for a long time before either of us says anything. Then she wraps her hand softly around mine and squeezes tightly. She shuffles closer. When she rests her cheek against my arm, I lift it and pull her in, leaning down to bury my face in her hair. To breathe her in.

“That’s why you were so out of control,” she says quietly.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I came out all right. It’s Daniel. It’s what Rachael and Mikey suffered. It’s Lia.”

“I know. It’s not okay. I don’t know what to say. It’s all wrong.”

I lean back, touch her chin, and guide her gaze to mine. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m just glad you’re not running.”

“You were in a tough spot, and you did the best you could. You made a bad decision. We’ve all been there.”

I nod. “True, but it’s not as simple as that. There’s blood on my hands.”

“I thought you said there was already.”

“I won’t lose sleep over a pimp or a monster,” I say fiercely. “But Daniel was just a young kid running, trying to pay for a future. And sure, I didn’t kill him. But I hired him. I made him a target.”

“It’s wrong,” she says. “But I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you.”

She stands, shivering, wrapping her arms around herself. “Shall we go?”

I stand and take off my jacket, draping it over her shoulders. “Sure.”