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Downright ruled me.

And that was only proven once again when I thought nothing of grabbing my weapons and racing after the beast without a stitch of clothing when it crashed through Tove’s front door. Or so I thought, until it was proven shortly thereafter that I had been having a nightmare.

Mayhap even a vision of some sort, by the sounds of it.

Yet through it all, from the moment I barged into Tove’s cottage first thing in the morning to protect her to this very moment as she shared the truth about our polar bear encounter as children, I was painfully aware of her. While I’d done my best to ignore her nudity when she took up arms beside me, I had seen enough to pray my cock stayed down despite the danger I thought her in.

Though I had long imagined what lay beneath her clothing, suspecting it was lovely indeed, the reality put my speculations to shame. From her well-rounded, firm breasts to the cinch of her toned waist to shapely legs that went on forever, it took everything in me not to touch her. Feel every inch of her to see if she was as soft as her shimmering skin appeared.

And while it could be my wishful thinking at work, I would swear she felt the same about me. From the look in her eyes when they swept over my nudity to the catch of her breath when I cupped her cheek earlier, to now, when I finally voiced more than I should have, I swore she returned my affections.

“On that we agree,” I said softly to her, referring to her statement that the polar bear brought me to the Helvigs and my rightful people the night we first met. “More pointedly, however,” I went on, unable to hold the words back any longer, “I believe the bear, your bear in spirit and then in the flesh, brought me to you, Tove.” I shook my head. “And I couldn’t be more thankful because I have loved you fiercely since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”

Even though I could hardly believe I’d finally said it, a tremendous weight lifted off me the moment I did, despite her inhaling sharply and pulling away. Despite her shaking her head and looking at me as though I had cursed her. Us.

“How can you say that after what I told you last night?” she whispered hoarsely, wide-eyed. “’Tis…” She kept shaking her head as if trying to make sense of it. Inhaling deeply as though struggling with a great deal of emotion, her eyes remained locked with mine for a stretch before she spoke again. “’Tis impossible, Knud. We are impossible, and you know it.”

“Because I am not good enough,” I said, making sure I understood this moment correctly. That I saw in her pained, confused eyes what I thought I did. What I had sworn over the years simmered between us since the moment our lips first locked. “Because despite your returned feelings for me, I am but a warrior and your second-in-command.”

“You know full well why,” Tove managed, seeming to find steadiness when frustration overtook emotion. She stood taller, forever able to pull forth the leader she was born to be, and kept her eyes locked on mine, not shying away. “For the same reason you seem so determined to follow me to the Scottish Isles and mayhap watch me wed another man despite what you just confessed.” As she grew more upset, her eyes narrowed. “Because we made a promise to my father. I made one, just as you did, and I intend to see through his wishes.”

Despite my affection for Bjǫrn, I cursed him for asking this of her, not only because he’d known how I felt about her but because she deserved to marry for love, not for power and gain. Our tribe was plenty strong enough under Tove without a marital tie. She had sacrificed enough after Bjǫrn was mauled by the bear, and his demeanor changed so drastically. She’d obeyed his every order, doing the things he couldn’t for our tribe, no matter his oftentimes callous attitude toward her and her sisters.

“We did make a promise to your father,” I granted, wondering where our own wishes fell in all this. It seemed, for the most part, we had lived our whole lives at the whims of Bjǫrn. And though I had loved him like a father, I loved her far more, and now she knew it. “But what of what we truly want, Tove?” Despite knowing better than to continue pushing her because I recognized the defiant, wary look in her eyes, my tongue seemed to have a mind of its own right now, and truthfully? I wanted to know the answer. Hear her say the words. “If, of course, I was to assume you felt the same way about me?” I tilted my head in question. “How do you truly feel about me? Are our feelings matched?”

Silence fell.

The whistling, popping, and sizzling sounds of the crackling fire inside and the banging, blowing wind outside became almost deafening.

Time seemed to stand still as she stared at me for several long moments, grappling with whatever she felt, then stayed true to the nature she’d cultivated at her father’s bequest, and then as a leader. Despite her eyes growing moist with unshed tears, her expression grew hard. She straightened her back and shook her head once. “No, Knud, our feelings are not matched, and I would have you know your place going forward.”

Before I could respond, she whipped her white polar fur cloak around her shoulders and ordered me to join her in the great lodge to eat and squelch any rumors that might have begun about us. Then she was gone, and I was left alone to shake my head in frustration. Anger I had never felt so strongly as I did at that moment.

At her.

And Bjǫrn.

And especially myself for losing my heart to her.

While tempted to pour myself an ale and silently fume until I’d reined in my turbulent emotions, I was, first and foremost, her second-in-command, so I strode after her.

To be expected, many an eye turned our way when we entered the great lodge and joined Helga at the head table. While Tove could have requested that I wait before joining them so it appeared less likely we’d spent the night together, she’d always dealt with things head-on, honest to the best of her ability.

This time right now, however, evidently dictated that she handle things differently than she typically would. Wasting no time, she addressed those in the room, claiming a wolf had been about, and I protected her, thinking nothing of my attire, so on and so forth.

“That said,” I followed up, addressing everyone when she looked my way, knowing what she would expect me to say, “after we eat, I will go out and hunt the beast down.”

She nodded once, thanked me, and we sat down to eat with Helga, who still wore the same bemused expression from earlier, muttering under her breath as she enjoyed her meat that we were, indeed, an effective team.

Tove and I didn’t respond from where we sat across from one another, because there was no need. Whether dealing with a slight fib or not, we were an effective team when it came to overseeing our tribe. We’d always been able to know what the other person was thinking before they even said it.

Despite Tove and me engaging in a cordial enough conversation with Helga as we discussed everything I had missed over the past few months, I felt the underlying tension between us because of the line that had been crossed. There was no going back to what had been.

Even so, it would be a line we would learn to live with and, it seemed, put behind us. Like her, I had every intention of seeing her father’s wishes through, however difficult that may be. And while I expected it would be brutal when she took another man, wed another, I would remain by her side, protecting her as fiercely as I had since the moment we met.

While I continued mulling over what had really happened between the polar bear and me that day, somehow it felt like I’d always known it. That it had been buried inside me just waiting to awake when Tove told me the truth.

“I will hunt with you, my friend,” Helga said after we finished eating, and Tove made her way from table to table as she did every morning since long before her father passed, interested in how everyone was doing, asking if she could she assist them in any way. She considered each and every member of our tribe family, no matter their age or lot, and I’d always admired her greatly for it.