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Only the Beginning

Page 46

by Susan Mallery

“You’re spending a lot of energy on this,” he said. “It’s old news.”

She looked at him and saw that he believed what he said. He didn’t even realize how his past continued to haunt him and influence his actions. She returned to the sofa and sank next to him, then took his hands in hers. “You are such a wonderful man. You deserved better than that.”

“What about you?” he asked. “Sounds to me like the men in your life haven’t been all that terrific.”

He did have a point. “Okay, I’ll agree I’ve had a run of bad luck, but that’s changing. After all, now I have you.”

Heather stared at him, not quite sure she’d actually said those words aloud. Had she? Had she really said that she had Jim in her life? That was what she meant, but not in the way he was likely to interpret her comment. She jerked her hands free of his, then scooted back to the far end of the sofa.

“What I mean,” she began awkwardly, “is that we’re friends. I didn’t mean that in a romantic way. I meant I have you in my life as a friend and it’s a very nice change from the losers I’ve…” She bit her lower lip. “That didn’t sound much better, did it? Okay, let’s try this again. What I was trying to say was—”

He cut her off with a brief shake of his head. “I understand your point, but I also want to make sure you understand mine.” His gaze lingered on her face. “If I decided to change my rule, I would do it for you in a heartbeat. But I’m not. I don’t do relationships, Heather.”

“I know,” she muttered, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her. This was too humiliating for words. “I’m fine with that. I don’t want a relationship, either.” Although she wouldn’t mind one or two of his fabulous kisses. For a man who didn’t date much, he sure was a good kisser. Why was that?

She looked at him, at the piercing blue eyes and the dimple he could flash on command. At the broad shoulders and well-muscled arms. The man filled out a pair of jeans in a way that, in some countries, would be considered illegal. He had to have women falling all over him. When they did, would he give in?

“I have a question,” she suddenly announced. Courage momentarily failed her, but then she concluded that she’d already humiliated herself once that evening. It wasn’t likely to get a whole lot worse. “What do you do about…well…you know.”

“Know what?” he asked, then grinned. “Are you asking about my sex life?”

“I believe I am. You’re a normal guy. You have needs and hormones and all that. How do you take care of those needs?”

Jim didn’t know whether to be shocked or flattered by Heather’s question. He also hoped she didn’t notice how big his “need” was right now. He often had trouble controlling his urges when he was around her, but when they were also talking about making love…He shook his head. That made the wanting damn near impossible to keep in check. If only she weren’t so pretty or fun to be with. If only she didn’t smell so good, or walk with that little sway to her hips, or do any of a dozen other things that made him crazy about her.

But, as he’d already informed her, he didn’t do relationships, and Heather wasn’t the casual-sex kind of woman. So he would continue to suffer through the pain of unfulfilled arousal as he’d been doing for the past three months. None of which answered Heather’s question. Based on her expectant expression, she wasn’t going to let him get away without answering.

“I have female friends,” he said cautiously.

“Women you see for sex?”

“They’re not hookers. I occasionally establish a short-term relationship based on physical needs. Both parties understand that and abide by those rules.”

She tilted her head. “An affair.”

“Exactly.”

Her expression turned thoughtful. “Where do you find them?”

“I meet them through work connections or friends.”

“Employees?”

“No.”

“Why?”

He thought about that one for a second. “It’s never been an issue. Most of my employees are guys.”

“Oh. That would sort of change things.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “So you meet a woman, and if you like her, you discuss the possibility of a month or so of exclusive sex. No commitment, no strings.”

He didn’t like where the conversation had gone. “Yes.”

Then he got it. Her questions, her quiet consideration. Horror and anticipation slammed into him, sending him slumping against the sofa. Dear God, she could not possibly suggest what he dreaded she was going to suggest. There was no way he could…they could…it would never work.

Or it would work too well, a little voice in his head whispered. If he were honest with himself, that was his greatest fear. That being with Heather would be all things wonderful. She already knew too much. She was too close, too far inside him. If he wasn’t careful, he would start to want her in an emotional way. Then they would be more than friends and he would be lost.

He rose to his feet, crossed to her side of the sofa, bent down and kissed her cheek. “I’ve got to be on my way.”