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BETTE: I don’t always love surprises.
HAYDEN: I’ll take my chances.
BETTE: Until tomorrow.
HAYDEN: Night firecracker.
I’m lying here in bed, but it’s only, like, 2:30 p.m, emotionally exhausted. I’m so happy to be leaving here tomorrow having been surrounded by all the proof of my father’s deceptions. There were messages to my teachers from kindergarten through Berkeley. There were developmental timeline charts and lists of books to feed me if I mentioned a subject. The worst were the emails to school friends declining playdates I never knew about. I thought I wasn’t invited to anyone’s birthday parties but he wanted me focused and friendless. I’m going to break his last remaining hold over me and gather a gaggle of new friends.
He was a monster and we’ll never know why. We had a bonfire with all his precious shit. His legacy is gone. We dumped his computer with his unpublished dissertations in a river. Because fuck him. We were gaslit for decades but we’re free now. My mom’s getting propped up by her new abuse support group. I went the other night and it was weird to call it abuse. Therapy is my next stop, but I’m so glad I told him to fuck off while he was alive.
Hayden is my cosmic “fuck you” to my dad and my cosmic gift from Kristin.
Sophie’s warnings creep at the edges of my mind. I did give in to the inferior idea for our pitch, but it’s still good. It eats at me a little. But it’s ok. It’s ok if I don’t get the job, as long as I have him. And I think he feels the same.
I pull up my texts and there are, like, seven from Sophie. And four missed calls. I haven’t talked to her in a couple of days.
“Where the fuck you been?”
“Finding out my life is a lie,” I say, referring to my father’s shit.
“Good, then this won’t be too much of a blow,” she says, but it’s not funny or cheeky.
“What are you talking about?”
I roll over onto my pillow.
“Baby doll, he’s a lie, too. I hate it, honey. I hate to be this person. I heard things at Dax’s house and I bolted.”
“To Chicago?”
“I’m at Logan right now.
“Did Dax tell you things? Does he think you’re broken up?”
“I don’t give a fuck what he thinks. I gotta go with chicks over dicks on this one. Even though his dick is perfect. But that’s a tale for another time.”
“SOPHIE. Focus. Tell me.”
“Hayden came over. He and Dax were talking about pulling the rug out from under you. And how it’s the ultimate prank. They didn’t go into details.”
I sit up, pull my knees up and rest my chin on them.
“I heard Dax say, ‘You’re right. She’ll never see it coming.’ And Hayden said, ‘I can’t pull this off without you.’ Then they said something about going to the office. I’m so sorry.”
“You think he’s going to pitch something else and cut me out?”
“That’s where my mind went.”
My eyes fill as my entire soul explodes. She was right. She was fucking right. I’m never going to survive this. I whip my fingers around in a circle and say it out loud.
“Double it.”
“Double what?”
“The amount of therapy I think I’m going to need.” I let a cry slip.
“Honey.”
