Page 58
“I’m in love with you, Anna,” he whispered.
“And I am with ye, David,” she echoed.
And as she lay and breathed in his arms, she knew… He knew, too…
Love wasn’t enough.
Her world was not his world. And it never would be.
And she realized she still didn’t understand why. “When ye’re in the future,” she asked, and he looked up at her, “what will ye do? Why do ye want to go back there so much when ye have yer clan and yer sister here…?”
And me.
But she didn’t say that out loud.
He sighed and lay on his back and rubbed his forehead. “I just… If I managed to show everyone that even with dyslexia I can be as good as my professor parents and my sister, who has a PhD, I thought I’d prove that I was worth something, too.”
“What is…dysle—xia…?”
“It just means I have a harder time than most people reading and writing.”
She chuckled. “Ye are lucky to be able to read and write at all. And what is a pee aitch…”
“PhD? It’s the highest university degree.”
“Oh, yer sister is clever. So are ye, David. And yer parents are dead, aye?”
“Yes.”
“And yer sister…that PhD…she’s nae that nae more, aye? She’s the wife of a laird…”
He sighed. “Yes.”
“So…I guess I just wonder if ye’re chasing the dream of a lad who isna ye nae more?”
He was silent for a long time, blinking, staring into the darkness. “It’s like you’re reading my fucking soul, Anna. Christ…I wondered that, too. But I guess that boy is still inside me. I just don’t feel like I’m worthy here.” He looked at her, all hard edges and tight muscles. “In your world, there are three types of people. Those who fight, those who work, and those who pray. Those who fight”—he looked at his sword by the bed—“they have the power. Your chiefs, your knights, your overlords. Wars rule your world. I wasn’t raised like that. I’m competitive, and I like to win, but I wasn’t raised believing I had to kill people to prove my place in life. I was raised believing I had to be smart and get a good education to be worth something. With dyslexia, learning was difficult. Being the same as everyone else was difficult. But my strong body, my football skills gave me a place at college…a chance to be worthy. When I got my acceptance letter…that dream was finally within my reach. I could finally be proud of myself and know my dad and my mom would have been proud of me, too. I was looking forward to that life—graduating, getting a good job. Maybe starting my own business. Buying a nice house. A car. Having a family one day. I’d provide for them. Give them the security and love and comfort I didn’t have.”
Anna frowned. Some of what he’d said she didn’t understand. “What is a job?” she asked. “And a car? And a business? And why are they important?”
“Cars are like carriages, but horses don’t need to pull them. They use gas, which is a natural resource, like oil. People drive them using a steering wheel instead of reins.”
Her mind raced, trying to imagine a cart that drove itself. “Sounds like witchcraft…”
He chuckled and told her more about his time. It worked differently in his age than in hers. There were no feudal lands, and everyone could own land if they had means to buy it. While in the medieval world, land was money, in his world, skill, brains, and hard work were also money.
In his world, she wouldn’t need to marry anyone to ensure her future. She wouldn’t need to guard her virginity as a commodity to be traded by her father for a castle. In his world, women could get a job or run their own business. In her world, widowhood could give a woman freedom and wealth, but she didn’t want to wait until her husband died to be free.
She looked around. “I understand that a house like this probably isna comfortable to live in compared to the houses in yer future. But is the car and the house and the job worth leaving behind the woman who loves ye?”
He closed his eyes and ran both hands through his hair. He sighed and looked at her. “Not if you put it like that, Anna. Part of me is singing with happiness from being with you. Part of me is shitting myself. Not because of the house and the car. No. But other stuff. A man can’t be drowned just for trying to talk to faeries in my time. People don’t have to carry swords to defend themselves. Women can earn their own money instead of depending on their husband or father to provide for them.
“I’m still an outsider, Anna, and I always will be. And I’ll never live my life to the fullest here. I want to prove myself, be proud of myself. And I can’t do it here, even though I love you.” He gently stroked her naked arm, sending sweet tingles all over her. “I’ve been trying to get home forever, but I could only use the rock once I found the love of my life. Now I’ve found you. I think this means I can go home. But the thought of leaving you makes me want to tear my chest open and cut my heart out.”
The pain in his voice stole her breath and felt like a thousand claymores cutting her into ribbons. “Aye, we love each other,” she said. “But it doesna mean anything. I am still the daughter of a king. And in this world, I must marry Sir Philip.”
He blew a long breath out, then hid his face in her stomach, tickling her skin with his hair.
Anna swallowed, blinking to stop her tears. “And I want ye to be happy, and so…” It killed her to say it out loud. “I want ye to go. I want ye to have yer freedom.”