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I turned towards him. “I could have sworn I heard the voice of someone I knew.”

The not-goddess with the face of my beloved also stopped, stating, “The direction you are looking towards is reserved for criminals. Tell me, are you a criminal?”

“What crimes have they committed?” Before the question was complete, I knew it was a mistake. She had only recently said we were here to be judged. Would this incriminate me before judgement had begun?

She tilted her head to the side. “The one you are thinking of is the worst of sinners. Even so, do you still want to follow his voice?”

For a moment, I was twenty-one years old again. I wasn’t in this land of illogic and death. Shareth was there and he was gripping my hand with tears of blood in his eyes.

“Let’s be together forever.”

I crouched to my knees, my hands raking through my hair and my fangs sinking into my bottom lip, causing the image to disappear. I tried to dispel the memory with facts:

When I was twenty-one, I chose my family.

When I was forty, I had my own laboratory.

When I was one-hundred, the experiments began.

In place of Shareth were the bodies of unimportant blood slaves. I cut into them so many times the precise measurements and incisions were engraved into my fingers’ muscle memory. Formulas, blood, vials, chemicals, crystals and all manner of equipment raced through my mind’s eye until I saw her.

Not the not-goddess, but her, my beloved. Her fingers moved in what could only be described as perfection. I wanted to cut her hand off, create a mold and recreate its form, preserving the original so that every sinew and follicle could sustain for an eternity. But if I did that, she wouldn’t be able to play for me anymore.

I wanted to lay down and close my eyes to the sound of her playing. When this was over, there’d just be me and her. As it was always meant to be. But getting there meant I needed to get up. But was it really the right choice to follow an imposter?

No, this isn’t like me. Thoughts, memories and hallucinations flashed and jumped until I couldn’t tell fact and fiction apart. Just as I was going to scream, a melody resounded in my eardrums, at once familiar as it was foreign. I hummed along until every note was as engraved into my mind with the precision of a mathematical formula.

Slowly, I stood up to the bored gazes of Mishmaer and the not-goddess. I could have continued blindly following the pair of them, but would that lead me to my desired result? I merely had this feeling that if I continued following behind them, I would be no better than a puppet on strings and how could a puppet possibly have the things I aspired to obtain in my hands?

“To answer your question,” I said. “I want to see him.”

“Don’t you wish to leave? If you go, it could delay your judgement,” she said.

I thought of the Luther, how I hadn’t even gained the appropriate permissions; even if I did leave, when I came back, it would mean begging my father and brothers for help. They’d do it, but was this really how I wanted to start the rest of my life?

So I said, “I need something from him.”

“What do you need?” the not-goddess asked.

“His father is a member of the Council,” I explained, “and to my kind blood matters. If I can get his blood on my paperwork, there won’t be any inconveniences in the future.”

“I see.” She paused. “But if you go, I won’t be able to help you until you leave. Are you sure you still want to go?”

“I’ve never liked the approach of jotting down a result which had been yet to be achieved.”

“Then as you will it.”

I turned to Mishmaer. “And what will you do?”

“I don’t really like taking risks.” He paused, looking surprisingly thoughtful. “But I still want to keep my word to the Nameless God so I’ll stay here and wait for you.”

“Wait for me?”

“Yes.” His eyes lit up in delight. “Please do try not to die. I will wait here, unless your soul has departed.”

“As you will it.”

Without looking back once, I turned in the direction of a voice I knew all too well. Even now, I can still remember when I met him years and years ago.