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“Of course not. I threw it away.”
“Merry, I don’t want to get you fired. I don’t care about this damn ghost town. My grandfather was going to leave that money to me, but I wouldn’t give him what he wanted. He wanted to punish me. He didn’t give a shit about Providence…he only created that trust to teach me a lesson. The money belongs to me.”
“That’s up to the courts to decide.”
“Fine. Then let the courts decide it. Don’t let it affect our friendship.”
She couldn’t believe it. She shouldn’t have skipped coffee this morning, because her brain was clearly not working correctly. “Are you suggesting that I just let it go?”
“Yes. When you asked if I’d work for you, I didn’t know you. And I didn’t have some big espionage planned. I just figured I’d hang around a little…see if I could find out what was going on with the trust, what the plans were. But then I got to know you better. I liked you. And it all got mixed up.”
“Mixed up,” she murmured.
“Yes. And the sex…that has nothing to do with this. That wasn’t a lie.” He offered a tentative smile. “It was damn real, Merry.”
A smile. He had the nerve to smile at her. Like she was that gullible. That stupid. That lacking in self-esteem. She walked down the stairs and the worry in his eyes lightened as she approached. Unbelievable.
“Who do you think I am?” she asked.
He shook his head.
“You think I’m someone sweet and nice and sunny? You look at me and you see someone who wants an apology? Someone who’ll forgive you?”
“That’s what I hope, yes. I’m sorry, Merry. You’re special. I know we don’t have a permanent thing, but—”
“I’m special?” she snarled. “Am I cute, too? And funny and kind?”
“Um…” He finally seemed to recognize that his smile may have been premature. “Yes?”
Merry poked a finger into his chest, hard. “You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me. You know nothing, do you understand?”
He stepped backward, hands raised.
“If I’m sweet, it’s because I choose to be. If I’m ridiculously positive, it’s because life is easier
that way. A hard life is easier that way. I am not stupid, Shane.” She followed his retreat, drilling her finger into his chest again. “I am not fucking stupid. I trust people because I choose to, because if you fuck me over, it says something terrible about you, not me. I see the good in people, because that makes me happy, not because I live in fairy-tale land where bad things don’t happen. Bad things happen, Shane. I’ve spent my whole life well aware of that. Bad things like you.”
“No, I—”
“You lied to me. You used my happiness as a way to manipulate information from me. You let me trust you when you knew I shouldn’t have. And then you fucked me. I told you something secret about myself and you saw that as an in.”
“That is not true. I swear it’s not true, Merry.”
“Oh, you swear?” She poked him again. “You promise? Who the fuck do you think I am? I have seen bad shit my whole life. People have been cruel. Life has been scary. My own father never even wanted to meet me. So if you think I can’t recognize unforgivably shitty behavior, you are sadly mistaken. I’m awkward and nerdy and ridiculous and maybe even foolish, but I’m not an idiot. And I am not weak.”
She spread her arms. “Look at me. I’m strong. I’m here, aren’t I? I’m not curled up in bed. I’m not crying. I wasn’t even standing around hoping you’d give me an explanation I could latch onto to feel less stupid. You lied, you lied while we were friends, and you lied when it became more than that. And now I’m going to lose my job because of you. So fuck you, Shane Harcourt. Now you know who I am, and I am not the kind of girl who’d put up with being used and disrespected and violated.”
She gave him one good shove with both hands and then walked backward. “Go away. I don’t want you here, and I’m still in charge of this place for the next few hours.”
He watched her. When he didn’t move, she turned her back on him and walked up the steps. She even closed the door of the house, plunging herself into a sudden darkness before her eyes could adjust.
She held her breath, waiting. He couldn’t come after her. He couldn’t follow her into the house, because she was frozen on the verge of tears. Just waiting. Waiting. She couldn’t possibly stop them at this point, she could only hold them off, but if he made her speak again, she was lost. And if he touched her, she’d fall apart. Her big words would mean nothing then.
But she finally heard his boots crunch across the dry ground, and the sound was moving away. The solid thunk of his door gave her the right news. He was leaving.
Merry collapsed into her chair and took a deep breath. And then she sobbed. Her head dropped into her hands and she cried so hard her chest hurt.
He had made her feel special. He’d made her feel beautiful. And sexy. And wanted.
