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Adoption seemed like a better choice. But how could I do that when I had been adopted myself and knew what it felt like? And now that Zoe wanted to meet me, it made it all that much worse. The system had taken three sisters away from each other, and now I wanted to put my baby in the same system?
“I can’t do this,” I said again. “I can’t raise a baby.”
“I’ll make sure you have more than enough money,” Brent said. “Anything you need, the best money can buy. And the same for the baby.”
I was suddenly angry. The anger replaced the shock and the panic, and I welcomed it with open arms. I understood the anger. I could deal with it better.
“Get out,” I said coldly.
“What?”
“I said get out,” I said again, raising my voice a little. “I don’t want to see your face. Get the fuck out of my house.”
Brent shook his head slowly back and forth, a little stunned.
“I don’t understand,” he said. “I did nothing but be there for you.”
The anger built inside of me until it was a raging storm. Everything I had been struggling with boiled up, and I couldn’t keep a lid on it anymore. I had bottled it all up, and now it was going to explode.
“When are you going to realize that I don’t want your damn money?” I shouted. “Fuck, it’s all you ever talk about. I don’t want your money. This wasn’t some ploy to force you to stay in my life.”
“I didn’t say it was,” Brent said. He was surprisingly calm, considering my outburst. “But I want to help you.”
“If you want to help me, get the hell out of my life,” I snapped. “I work damn hard, and I can afford to pay for my own mistakes. I don’t need a Good Samaritan like you to come and save me.”
“Rena, you’re pulling this out of proportion.”
He was right, of course. I was pulling it out of proportion a little. But I was so angry, and if there was one thing a man should never say to a woman, it was that.
“I am not overreacting,” I cried. “But I feel like you’re trying to buy me. I won’t be bought.”
Brent was getting angry now. He had finally lost control.
“Is that what you think this is? That you’re my possession somehow because of what we’re doing?”
“Well, what else can it be? Don’t tell me you summoned me to Boston because you knew those investors were going to be so full of it.”
Brent swallowed, and I knew he knew I was right. He had taken me to Boston to sleep with me. Holly had been right. I was a booty call.
“Please, leave,” I said again. I pointed to the bedroom door. I wanted him to go away. I wanted him to leave me alone.
“Let’s talk about this,” Brent said.
I shook my head. “I’m done talking.” I turned around and stormed to my bathroom and closed the door. Brent called my name once or twice, but I refused to answer him. He gave up fairly quickly. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I didn’t know what to do. I was pregnant and freaked-out, and locking myself in the bathroom created the illusion that the real world couldn’t reach me while I was in here.
I stayed in the bathroom for the longest time. I cried. I was angry. I wanted to break things. I replayed our conversation in my head over and over. I couldn’t believe he still thought this was about his cash. He was so stuck on his money he didn’t see anything else. That bothered me. How could I think about building a life with that kind of man?
I hadn’t thought about it until now. He was only supposed to have been a wild fling. But now that I was pregnant, I thought about it.
And I wasn’t sure how I could do it.
I cared for Brent. Maybe I even loved him. I couldn’t deny that, despite his pride and his ego and his obvious sense of self. But I couldn’t keep doing this to myself. I had to save myself, put myself first, and make choices that would work for me.
And the baby, if I decided to keep it.
God, what was I going to do? Brent would never believe that I wasn’t after his money, that I would want him only because I loved him. He would only ever offer me money. Maybe my time at DigiTech was over. Maybe it was time to move on. The only way I was going to be able to do this, to retain my independence, was to work somewhere else. I had to find a new job.
