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“No.” She shook her head, then turned and fled from the church. Behind her, commotion broke out, but the only sound she heard was Jay calling her name.
How could she have been so stupid? So blind? So misplaced? He did not care for her. The blow was far greater than she anticipated. Never before in her life had she ever been denied anything she wanted. Until now. The only thing she needed.
Erika ran down the dusty streets that led her back home. A home that no longer felt like her own. It belonged to her grandfather, and he had made it her prison.
She came to stop before the majestic house and stood looking up at it. Just that very morning she had buried her grandfather. Sorrow had filled her heart then, now it filled with rage. Even in death, he had won. Erika would never be free to leave. For she knew she could never give her heart again to another.
She went to her room and removed her wedding dress. She changed into her mourning gown, and then went to stand gazing out the window. Her eyes naturally fell upon the harbor far below where the Francesca sat waiting patiently to set sail. Without Erika.
Later she heard Fiona silently enter her room, heard her place a tray laden with food on her table. She hovered and Erika knew she wanted to offer words of sympathy. However, Erika could not bear to hear them. She did not turn around to acknowledge the woman and breathed a sigh of relief when she heard her leave.
Hours later as she watched the sun slowly begin to dip beneath the horizon the lateness of the hour began to sink in. The fog had eventually lifted, leaving a clear view of the port below. A few people appeared on the wharf and she knew Ryan was one of them. A great sadness fell over Erika.
She did not mourn the love she thought she felt for Ryan, rather the dream she carried for so long in her heart. Someday, she promised herself, she would board that ship and leave Placid forever.
Grabbing her shawl, she wrapped it around herself and slipped out of the house unnoticed. Such was her habit in the past.
She took the winding road around harbor hill until she reached the bluff point where it overlooked the pier below. Just at the moment the Francesca quietly slid out of port.
A warm evening breeze swept up from the lake below and caressed the exposed skin on her arms. Erika sighed softly, and realized even if she hadn’t been able to say good-bye in person, she had come to say good-bye nevertheless. She gave her arms a rub before drawing her shawl closer and turning her back to the harbor.
She strolled slowly on the way back home, suddenly not in any hurry to return. From behind, she heard the rattle of wagon wheels approach.
Erika looked up and saw Jay looking down at her. He wasn’t smiling, nor was he frowning. “Can I give you a ride home?”
He must have returned from the port where he had sent Ryan on his way. She looked into his eyes and searched for any sign of emotion. There was only blankness.
Glancing away, she looked down the deserted road and thought to decline, but a greater need had her nodding her head and taking his outstretched hand as she climbed up next to him.
They spoke not a word as he clicked his tongue and had the horse continue on its way. A million thoughts raced through her head, but only one single question. Why couldn’t he love her?
The drive was short and Jay pulled up to the front of her house. It was the first time he ever used the front entrance. He was the one man not welcome at Gerald Snowden’s home.
When the buggy came to a stop, neither moved. Erika knew Jay better than to expect him to escort her down like a gentleman. However, for this time, it gave her the few moments longer she needed next to him.
Beside her, he remained still and silent. A reminder to Erika they had nothing to say to each other. How she wished differently, but it wasn’t so. She sighed inwardly and turned to go.
Jay’s hand stalled her. “Just wait.”
Startled, she watched him climb down and came around to her side. He looked up at her with eyes that cried with such sorrow, Erika felt a twinge of hope.
She took his offered hand and came to stand next to him. His eyes bore into her before he turned them away abruptly. As Erika went to follow him, she felt the tug of her dress snared between splinters of wood on the wagon.
“Let me help,” Jay said and returned to her side once more. His head downcast as he studied the snared garment closely.
It brought his face only inches from Erika. This close, she could not resist gazing upon him while his attention was diverted. The natural pull toward him, was irresistible. Erika bent down and kissed him full on the mouth.
Jay shot up right. “Don’t Erika!”
She saw the look on his face, registered its meaning, but so badly didn’t want to believe it. Reaching for him again, she pleaded, “Please, Jay, don’t turn me away.”
But his hands came up and stopped her. His expression telling her what she refused to hear. “I’m sorry.”
Quick and instant anger cured her pain. “Go away, Jay.”
He stopped her from running off. “Erika, you’re feeling very lonely right now. You’ve lost your grandfather and now Ryan. I’m not what you need.”
“Don’t try to force your own opinions on me.” Erika was through with having her feelings ordered. She knew what she wanted, and what she needed. “I’m a grown woman. I know what I need. What I need is to stop having people tell me how to feel.”
