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“It was stupid and naïve and short-sighted, but yes… I went back, thinking we would just ignore what had happened the last time.”
“He did it again,” Phil said knowingly.
“This time, he got angry when I pushed him away,” I said softy. “He told me that I was a tease and a seductress, and that I had wanted him to touch me. I had brought this on myself.”
“That bastard,” Phil said, through gritted teeth.
“When I tried to leave, he blocked the door and tried to kiss me again. This time, I shoved him away from me as hard as I could, and he stumbled back and nearly fell. I threatened to go to the dean and report him.
“But he reminded me that I was just a student, and he had tenure, not to mention the dean’s ear. All he had to do was tell everyone that I had come on to him in hopes that I could seduce him into giving me a good grade.”
“That motherfucker,” Phil said angrily.
“After that… I stopped going to his classes. He kept trying to contact me, and I finally realized that I couldn’t stay there. He had all the power, and I had none.”
“You should have gone to the police,” Phil said. “And reported him. If the dean wasn’t going to listen to you—”
“The police weren’t going to listen to me either,” I said, cutting him off. “This is a man’s world, Phil—everything works against me, including the system.”
“You really believe that?” he asked.
“If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t have left,” I told him. “I don’t regret leaving, you know. The only thing I regret is not being able to finish my degree.”
He shook his head. “It’s not fair, what happened to you.”
“Life’s not fair,” I said. “But it needs to be endured all the same. I can start over… that’s why I came here in the first place. It doesn’t matter that John Gilbert thinks he’s achieved by running me out of town; he hasn’t won at all because I will start over. I have started over.”
Phil reached out and took my hand. “You’re stronger than you look. I knew that the day I met you.”
I smiled. “I always thought that about myself, too.”
“You should go back to school,” Phil said. “A new school, somewhere here… You should transfer your credits and finish your degree.”
“I’ve been thinking about it.” I nodded. “But I have to earn the money to pay for my tuition first. My parents are not going to help because of what happened last time.”
“You can do it,” Phil said confidently.
I smiled. “You think so?”
“Oh, without a doubt,” Phil said firmly. “You’re made of stronger stuff than John Gilbert ever knew. But don’t worry… I know it.”
Chapter Fifteen
Phil
Another day, another death… I wondered if this was what my life was going to be like for as long as I was a firefighter. I shouldn’t have been surprised. This is what I signed up for… But suddenly, I was starting to question whether I was really up for this job or if getting older was making me soft.
I drove home in a trance, reliving the memory of the day and trying to figure out if I could have done anything differently. Maybe if I’d been faster, we could have saved him. Maybe if we had chosen a different extraction plan, he would have made it. I kept seeing his eyes, fixed on mine. He was seventy-one. He’d had a long life, but in this job, I had come to learn that it didn’t matter how old you were or how great a life you’d lived. Death was scary for even the most prepared out there.
I parked the car and sighed deeply, feeling my body protest at the long shift and the fact that I was running on just a few hours of sleep. I wasn’t fit for anything except a quick shower before surrendering to sleep, but I needed to hear Megan’s voice before I got to bed. I knew that I would sleep better after speaking to her.
I got into my apartment, dragging my feet the whole time. Then I had a quick shower and collapsed into bed before reaching for my phone. Thankfully, Megan answered on the third ring.
“Phil,” she said, and her voice made me feel better instantly.
“I’m sorry to call so late.”
“That’s okay,” she replied. “You can call me anytime…you know that.”
