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“Hara,” a brisk voice calls out.
I keep walking. An engine purrs to life and I can practically feel the heat of the vehicle at my heels. I speed up. The car does as well. “Hara. Hara,” the voice calls.
I run, only I can’t see because it’s so damn dark in this alley, and I don’t notice the large rock until my toe hits it and I go flying face-first onto the asphalt.
“Omo!” Brakes screech. A car door slams. There’s a clatter of heels and then a soft hand at my shoulder.
I jerk away. “I don’t need your help.”
“You are wet and uncomfortable. If you stay out in that condition you are likely to get sick and then you will blame me for that as well.”
Wansu isn’t wrong, but I’m too mad to acknowledge this. I struggle to my feet and force myself to move. The big black car keeps pace behind me. Wansu clips along, her high heels clicking against the pavement.
“What do you want?” she asks. “I have money and I’m happy to provide for you.”
“Money?” I screech to a halt and whirl on my mother. “You think money is what I want from you?”
“Then what is it?” Wansu appears to be legitimately confused, and that is all the more infuriating.
“You’re my mother! You gave birth to me! You carried me in your body for nine months and all you want to do is buy me off?”
“That’s right, I did,” Wansu says, her voice as chilly as the clothes clinging to my body. “I gave birth to you. I nurtured you. I did not throw you away. I placed you outside of a police station and waited there until someone found you and took you inside. I gave you up so you could have a better life. And now that you have sought me out, against my wishes, I am willing to provide for you like a mother does. What more do you want?”
I want you to love me, my heart cries out, but there’s no point in admitting that. No point in laying my heart out there to be trampled on. I’ve got some pride left. “Nothing. Literally nothing, which is why I’m walking away. You’re the one following me, trying to erase your guilt by throwing money at my face.”
“Maybe I am. How much will it take?”
“All of it,” I snap. “Give me all of it.”
Wansu’s face hardens. “Then you wish to ruin me and hurt my son and all the people that work for our company. I can’t allow that to happen.”
I hate that Wansu can’t see through my curtain of hurt—that she’s not even attempting to reach me. “Then leave me alone. That’s all I want.”
* * *
• • •
ALL THE LIGHTS are on at the house, which makes me even wearier. It would’ve been nice if I could’ve crept inside, gone up to my room, climbed into my bed, and covered my head with my blankets.
Instead, I have to face my roommates and Jules will demand to know what is going on. I have no energy for an inquisition. Every last bit of it is in the river.
I push open the gate and trudge reluctantly toward the front door. The illumination should be welcoming but the dark spot in the alley next to the convenience store is looking more appealing by the second. The door opens before I reach it and Yujun’s concerned face appears. I hate that my stupid heart leaps at the sight of him, dressed in his work clothes with his white shirtsleeves rolled up to show his fine forearms, the expensive watch, and his capable hands that reach to pull me inside. This is Wansu’s son, the child she chose to raise instead of me.
Bitterness floods my mouth. “You.”
He flinches slightly. “Hara, please.”
My credit card isn’t maxed out yet. This is a big city. There has to be a hotel that has a room available. I turn around and walk away from the door, from the lights, from him. I should keep going until I reach Incheon, where I can climb aboard a plane, any one of them, and have it take me away.
“I didn’t know.” His hand reaches out to press against the gate so I can’t leave.
“I don’t believe you.” And I don’t want to be convinced otherwise. He’s so charming, and if he is given time and an opportunity, I’m certain that he’ll spin a story that will result in me begging forgiveness from Wansu. I’m sorry I came here. I’m sorry I sought you out. I’m sorry I exist.
“How could I have known?” The plea in his voice is earnest, so very earnest, but I’m not the same girl that he took to the top of Namsan and looked through the telescope with all the way to Busan. I’m the girl who learned her very rich mother threw her away like garbage and kept a boy instead. A boy I’d kissed, held in my arms. A boy about whom I had fantasies that I would be embarrassed to share with a friend. A boy who makes me want to bury my face in his shoulder and cry the tears I never let fall. I don’t, though. I’ve never let things like feelings drag me down before, and I won’t this time either.
