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“We know that. Or at least I know that. I could kind of see the direction things were going with you and Hanna, and I think King did, too, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Don’t worry, Dad, it’s all going to work out. I can feel it.” She pats my hand and smiles. “Now let’s look at baby names!”
I hope she’s right. But I can’t get the look on King’s face out of my head, or how adamant Hanna was that her life is in Tennessee.
If that doesn’t change, then how exactly was all of this going to work without someone getting hurt?
_______________
QUEENIE AND I spend two hours at the diner. She likes Rex and Jax and Hudson for boys’ names, and Belle, Cinder, and Ella for girls. I go along with her because it’s easier that way. And she’s excited, which alleviates some of my anxiety, but creates other worries, like how preemptive is this, and what happens if Hanna loses this baby? And what happens if she has it?
I need to work on getting over the challenges of potentially being a brand-new dad again at my age. I have a routine that’s been the same for a long time, and this is going to change that drastically. I’ll have to travel less, and I might have to adjust my responsibilities for the team. My job has been my life for a lot of years, and babies take time and energy away from that.
I need Queenie’s positivity right now. And I’m optimistic it will rub off on King.
Queenie and I head back to her house. I’m hopeful that I’ll still be able to drive Hanna to the airport. We could use the time to talk. And for me to get a better sense of where King is emotionally.
He seems to be much calmer when we return.
“I’m sorry about how I reacted earlier. I don’t have the right to speak to you that way, and I wouldn’t accept it if someone spoke to Queenie that way either,” I tell King while Hanna packs up her things.
He grabs the edge of the counter, his jaw working. “Hanna’s been through a lot, not just with me, but the last time this happened…it was hard on her. And asking her to upend her life when you don’t even know what this is going to look like, or what you are to each other, isn’t fair.”
“I understand.” Or at least I’m beginning to. “I don’t want to push Hanna to make any decisions, not right away. We still have a lot to talk about and figure out.” I take a deep breath. “And just so you understand where I’m coming from, Queenie’s mom tried to fight for partial custody for the wrong reasons. I know that’s not the case here, but it’s hard not to revert back to that way of thinking, which I recognize isn’t fair to Hanna.” I’ll never forget the hurt and heartbreak I felt at the thought that my daughter might be taken away from me.
“I’m always going to want what’s best for her,” King says.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
Hanna appears at the edge of the kitchen, her suitcase rolling behind her. “We should probably head to the airport.”
“Do you want me to drive you?” King asks.
“I think it would probably be a good idea for Jake to take me this time,” Hanna says softly.
“Right. Yeah. Of course.” King doesn’t seem all that excited about that, but he doesn’t put up a fight either. Things are definitely tense as I load Hanna’s suitcase into my car while they say their goodbyes.
Queenie whispers that she’ll call me later.
Even with traffic, King’s house is only about half an hour from the airport, so on a Sunday afternoon it takes considerably less time.
I turn the radio down so it’s barely a hum in the background. “How are you?”
“It’s been one heck of a weekend.” Hanna’s hands are clasped in her lap and she looks tired.
It’s not really an answer. “King seemed better. I’m sorry about how I reacted, it was out of line.”
“We’re all a little emotional and reactive. I’m sensitive to Ryan’s feelings and how he perceives all of this. Particularly the fact we kept what was going on between us from him.”
“I get that, and my concern is making sure this isn’t causing you unnecessary stress, especially with everything you’ve told me this weekend.” This is going to be a difficult new line to walk with Kingston as one of my players, my son-in-law, and now this added layer. I’m definitely going to need to talk to Alex about how I should approach this moving forward, and what I can reasonably get involved with where King is concerned.
“Ryan doesn’t like conflict, so he’s pretty direct about things, but I also know that he’s worried about me, because of everything I’ve already been through. I can’t be sure that he won’t mask his feelings to protect me.”
