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"Tell me something that is on your mind."
I picked a simple topic to start with. The darkness made it easy to expose myself without reservations.
"Remember my best friend, Avery, who you met when she came to watch me at practice? She's coming to visit me soon and I'm nervous about it. I've been friends with her since we were babies. Our fathers are business partners, our families live next door to each other. We tell each other everything, but she kept a huge secret and lied to me." I paused and thought about how Kova had done the same thing to me. I tried to not let that harden my heart again. "I've been so hurt over it. She was sleeping with my brother for well over a year and kept it from me. She got pregnant and had an abortion. I found out by accident, and I can't help but wonder if she ever planned to tell me."
Kova whistled. "What were her reasons for keeping it from you?"
"I don't know. She really didn't have a good one other than she thought I'd be mad. And I was. I was fuming. This was at the same time I found out other shit that just completely destroyed me. And then to hear she got pregnant? I kind of blew up on her. She cried hysterically, saying she needed me more than ever, that she was hurting in ways I couldn't fathom, but I just left her there." I shook my head. "I shouldn't have left her."
"If she told you from the beginning she was interested in your brother, would you still have objected to it?"
I pondered his question. "I probably would've tried to sway her from being with him."
"Why is that?"
"Because Xavier is a player. He's a one and done kind of guy. He doesn't care about girls, or feelings, or emotions. He cares about himself and money. How much he can drink in one night. Nothing else. I love Avery, and I wouldn’t want her to be another notch on his bedpost, and I probably would've tried everything in my power to make sure that didn't happen."
"So, you would've objected regardless of what she wanted," he stated.
I chewed my lip. I hadn't thought of it like that, and putting it that way made me feel kind of bad.
"I guess so." I sighed. "God. That makes me such a shitty friend."
"Have you spoken to her?"
"I've only recently finally decided to talk to her and it almo
st broke me inside when I heard her voice. I felt so bad to hear how happy she was to talk to me and apologize. Before that, she’d called me numerous times, but I never picked up. I never responded to her texts."
Kova snuggled closer and sandwiched his leg between mine. The warmth of his body triggered me to fall deeper into him and absorb what he was giving me.
He kissed the back of my neck. "When did this happen?"
"Right before I found out you were married."
Kova groaned in the back of his throat. "We both did a number on you, yes?"
I ignored that because he knew he did.
"Does that make me a bad person that I shut her out? She never would've done that to me."
"No, you are young. It is normal to react that way. You were hurting so you reacted out of emotion, but I think you should talk to her. Explain where you are coming from and listen to her. Just listen. Do not shame her for her choices. No one is perfect."
I laughed lightly. "I know. I just don't even know how I'm going to start the conversation. I miss her so much. I miss her sarcastic humor, her laugh, the sound of her voice. I miss talking bullshit with her. I miss my friend. It's going to be that awkward silence and all because I'm an idiot and lashed out. I'm such a fool."
"You are not a fool. It will only be awkward if you make it awkward. If you guys are as close as you claim, the hardest part is the actual part where you admit you are sorry and apologize for your behavior the way she did to you. After that, it will go back to how it always was. Just have a little faith."
Slipping my hand from Kova's, I turned around so we were chest to chest and flung my leg over his hip. He nestled his thick thigh against my sex until our bodies were completely joined together. I released a sigh, wondering how I could ever live without him. Kova settled the anxieties in my heart and calmed my soul when it was just us. In moments like this, I wish it was always just us. We were in an extremely intimate position. Personal. The kind where two people held a link to salvation.
My hand searched for his and I laced our fingers together, bringing them to rest between our chests. I could fall asleep like this. There was a comfort and security I found in his touch that warmed me. I had to wonder if I did the same for him too.
The obscurity of my room made it difficult to see beyond the bed, but at this closeness our faces came into view. Kova's eyes glowed with vulnerability. In the darkness he was defenseless, but he still found a way to hold on to me.
"Now you tell me something," I said.
"Are you just going to skip over the lupus and kidney disease?"
I was quiet. "I was kind of hoping you'd forget. My dad told you everything anyway."
