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Thankfully, Kova did show up the following day, but he wasn't himself. He seemed restrained. His shoulders were rolled tight and his eyes were haunted. My heart felt lighter just from the sight of him. I smiled, but it vanished as he strode into his office without so much as a glance my way.
A knot formed in the pit of my stomach.
I inhaled, then exhaled. I had to let it go. I had a job to do, but the nagging feeling in my gut wouldn't go away now.
God. This sucked.
Madeline worked diligently with me for most of the day. Kova hardly looked in my direction. Usually when I looked for him, he was either already looking at me or would look because he felt me looking for him. But today he didn't acknowledge my presence. Not once. I didn't even feel the weight of his stare on me like usual. It was as if I didn't exist, and that hurt my heart so much.
Thankfully Avery would be here this week. I could vent to her and she could tell me what to do, and tell me if I was acting crazy or not.
When it came time to rotate to bars, Madeline said, "Great work today. You've shown so much improvement. It's like you're not the same person who arrived meek and afraid of her shadow on beam. All that hard work has paid off." She finished with a big smile. "Go over to bars. Don't keep Coach Kova waiting on you."
I nodded and smiled. During my day of doubt and questioning, I needed her praise more than I’d realized. "Thanks, Coach."
>
Taking a deep breath, I walked over to the uneven bars. I knew we were going to pick up where we left off with perfecting my dismount, but I also knew we had to start with the new release moves today too in order to stay on schedule.
"Hey," I said, walking right up to him.
Kova stood with his body angled away and his hands on his hips as he stared off into space. I glanced in his direction to see what he was staring at, but nothing caught my eye.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, still looking away.
"Much better…thanks for asking."
He nodded, his brows drawn together. "Let us get started."
"Kova…" I carefully and slowly drew out his name. "Are you okay? Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?"
He finally looked at me and his shoulders relaxed. Kova blinked rapidly a few times and the intense air surrounding him dissipated within seconds. He took a breath and I inhaled. Kova regarded me with a look of compassion that eased my doubts, then leaned in toward my face only to stop. He pulled back and I stared wide-eyed up at him.
His lips pursed together and he covered his mouth, smiling behind his hand. He’d been planning to kiss me as if it were normal for him to. I loved he had the instinctive urge to, just not here.
He cleared his throat. "Everything is fine. We do not have much time today with how much we need to accomplish, so let us get a move on. Wait—"
"Yes?"
"Are you feeling okay? Like really okay?"
One corner of my mouth pulled to the side. "I'm okay."
Kova nodded then walked over to the side to stand next to the bars. He retrieved his cell phone from his pocket and scrolled. I guess he’d gotten the screen fixed while he was away from the gym.
Chalking up, I watched him, his face scrunched up like he was reading something that bothered him. I picked up a small block of chalk and broke it, then sprayed water on my grips before applying more powder. Kova's fingers quickly moved over the screen and I knew I couldn’t hold back. It still bugged me not knowing why he hadn't been at the gym.
Tightening the Velcro, I asked, "Where've you been?"
"Home."
I bobbed my head, knowing that was all I was going to get. I clapped my hands, then wiped the chalk on my thighs.
"Sorry I asked."
The next three hours of practice felt like the longest hours of my life. He kept his promise and worked me on bars the way he always had and not like he pitied me and needed to make sure I was okay every ten seconds. I was relieved and took every direction he gave, but it was his attitude that got under my skin. He seemed bothered, even though I was doing everything right.
Kova may not have been barking out orders, but he grilled me with every opportunity that arose. His eagle eyes didn't miss a beat, and there was an indignation to his words that poked at my already sensitive nature. Kova barely touched me. He purposely stayed away from me and instructed me from behind the wires of the bars, yet I'd seen him earlier in the day work with other gymnasts at close range. There were times when I needed his guidance, his hands on me to show me how my body needed to be positioned, but he didn't budge. My frustration grew.
