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Ya lyublyu tebya vsegda I naveki.
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Kova
I smiled sadly to myself and felt a fresh tear slip down my cheek. That was the first time he'd signed his name.
Taking out my cellphone from my bag, my screen lit up with the picture of us from that night in the hotel room. It felt like ages ago but the feelings came rushing back as if it happened yesterday. I decided to send him the picture.
He'd know why I'd sent it.
I shouldn't have thrown away my burner phone. Oh well. If my dad was monitoring my messages, let him see it. What was the worst that could happen at this point? I was leaving.
Just as I was about to slip my phone back into my bag, it dinged. I slid the screen open with my heart in my throat and grinned at Kova's response.
A black heart emoji.
I rolled my lips between my teeth and tasted my salty tears. It was so Kova, and I loved that.
Something happened when Kova came along. He changed me for the better, he gave me strength and helped me see my worth, even if it was a struggle at times. He also hurt me more times than I wanted to count, but I wasn't going to focus on moments that would only harden my heart.
The way we understood love started with pain. Our love story wasn't an easy one, so our ending wouldn't be either.
There were no hearts and rose petals about it, no white picket fence and butterflies. No children. No happy ending. But it was raw, it was real, and it was ours. It was tragically beautiful. No one could take that from us.
I didn't think either of us realized how deeply intertwined we truly were until we had to go our separate ways.
It was utterly devastating.
Fifty-Nine
One Year Later
"3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!"
The small crowd in the student center went wild. I huddled in the corner, regretting letting my teammates rope me into coming. I still had months before I could join them in the gym and competitions, but the coaches had thought it would be a good idea to come on board now and build the camaraderie. It turned out to be a good thing and had helped to occupy my mind for a while. I didn't have that team bond with them yet since I hardly knew them, but it felt nice to be included. It was a good start.
Avery knew what New Year's Eve meant to me and who I thought about.
I'd flown home for three days to spend the holidays with my family. Avery flew back with me the day after Christmas and has been here ever since to support me. Three days was all I could handle knowing I was in close proximity to him. The temptation was too strong to see him. There wasn't a doubt in my mind I would have borrowed Dad’s car to drive south.
"Happy New Year, bestie!" Avery said excitedly, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I pulled back and forced a smile on my face. "Still thinking about him?" I nodded solemnly, dropping the phony smile.
"Do you think he thinks about me as much as I think about him?" I asked, my voice small. Sometimes
I wished I didn't think of him as much as I did.
"I do." She nodded. "He can't not be thinking of you," she said.
"Really?"
"Yes," Avery said, and I actually believed her. "I think it's as hard for him as it is for you."
I hoped so. This was agony.
Not incorporating gymnastics into my daily routine was a tough adjustment. Same with not incorporating him. I knew it would be hard, especially while going through dialysis. Just not this kind of hard. I reminded myself daily that this wasn't forever and that I would go back to the sport that I loved with every fiber in my body soon. I would take what I learned from him and apply it. Fortunately, I had the absolute best friend in the world by my side even if she was living states away. Like Avery had said, "I'm only a phone call away." And she was.
"I'm going to miss you when you leave," I said, pouting. "Who's going to braid my hair and read sex scenes with me out loud?"
