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I feel a little better seeing that we can finally laugh about what happened. I thought it would be a sore subject between us for the rest of time, but I got lucky. Mainly because we haven't spoken about it much, but if she can be playful like this, then I know everything will be okay in the long run.
"Can I ask you something?" she says, and I nod. "Why don't you ask about my dad?"
My smile vanishes, my heart clenching. I reach for another drink. She doesn't normally bring him up and now I'm getting nervous, wondering why she wants to know. I don't want to say the wrong thing, but I don't want to lie either.
I look at my flute, unable to make eye contact with her. "What good would it do? Chicks before dicks for life. I made that mistake once and I learned my lesson."
"Do you ever think about him?"
I lift my guarded eyes to meet hers. I'm a little nervous and tap my foot incessantly on the floor.
"Why are you asking me this? I really don't want to fight, Nat."
"I'm honestly just curious. It's been almost two years since you guys were actually together. After everything I know and what we've talked about, I'm just surprised you never ask to see how he is."
I swallow hard, trying not to get emotional. I don't ask because it will just hurt.
"Yeah, I do. I think of him a lot and I try not to," I admit, my voice low. "But it doesn't do me any good to talk about him, so I don't." I attempt to change the subject. "How's your mom?"
She rolls her eyes dramatically. "Better than ever. She's been hooking up with some pool guy she hired. It's crazy. I've never seen her so happy."
My brows raise. She can't live in the city if she has a pool, but I'm relieved to hear her mom is doing well. Makes me feel better, in an odd way.
"Where does she live now?"
"Out in Suffolk County. She bought a small house with an above-ground pool. I met the guy. He's a widow and doesn't look like he could hurt a fly. They play cards together on the weekends."
"Awe, that's good. I'm happy to hear that."
Her mouth tugs to one side and she smiles. Natalie's phone dings and she picks it up to read an incoming text message. "Yeah, I'm honestly really happy for her," she says, her fingers skating over her phone. When she's done, she takes a deep breath and squares a look at me, and I frown.
"You know I'm on good terms with my dad now, right?"
I nod. James and Natalie hashed things out shortly after we reconciled our friendship. I didn't ask questions, just took what she offered. Listening to her tell me how they talked made me so happy for her, even if I was dying inside missing him.
"I know. That's one positive thing that came out of what I did at least."
She checks her phone then says, "Listen, I'm not pushing for this because it's just fucking weird, but I'm so sick of seeing you and my dad mope around like lovesick losers. You're killing yourself with work, he's depressed and acts like his life is over. I know you're sad and haven't dated anyone since lame Daniel. I know you miss my dad, just like every time he asks me how you are, I know he feels the same way and misses you. Obviously you guys had something that was real, no matter how disgusting I think that is."
"He asks about me?" I say, too quickly and too hopeful.
She rolls her eyes. "All the time. That’s kind of why I'm asking you about him."
I shake my head, trying to stop her. My heart is pounding in my chest and I'm worried this kind of conversation is going to cause a fight. It's the last thing I want. It's too good to be true.
"Natalie, it's fine. Really. Why are we even talking about this? Just let it go. I'm never going to put us in that situation again. I promise. Your friendship means more to me and I don't want to lose you."
She gives me an exasperated look. "Will you shut up for a second?"
I sit up a little straighter, nervous as shit, wondering where this is going.
"I haven't seen him. I haven't spoken to him. Nothing, Natalie. I swear."
"I'm gonna throw my mimosa at you."
I purse my lips together. "Go on."
"Like I said, I'm not pushing for this because it's just weird as fuck if I did, but I'm tired of seeing you guys look the way you do. I know you're hiding it from me how you feel about him, and he's as obvious about his love for you as the air we breathe. He asks about you constantly. If you want to talk to him…you can. I won't be upset."
