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He pulls out of my grip and storms to the shower and I run after him like a lost lamb.
“Don’t be angry at me,” I plead.
He undresses in silence and steps into the shower.
“You are the one who wanted me to do this and I couldn’t do it!” I yell.
He turns his back on me in anger.
I start to slowly undress and step in with him.
“Josh, he turned up here tonight to ask me on a date. I said no and he was just leaving when you arrived.”
He turns and his haunted eyes meet mine as the water runs over our heads.
“Baby.” The pain in his eyes rips my heart wide open. I rub my hand through his stubble and go onto my tiptoes to gently kiss his lips. “I love you so much.”
He drops his head to my shoulder and I can feel his hurt. I know how it feels to have dark suspicions—it hurts.
We stand for a long time in an embrace, both lost in our own thoughts, with the water running over us. Eventually he lifts my chin up to meet his face, and his lips gently take mine.
I nod softly. “I get it, Josh … I finally get it. What you have been telling me all along. Sex is sex and love is love.”
He kisses me tenderly again and his tongue swipes through my open mouth.
“For the first time I understand why you slept with Amelie,” I sob loudly as tears rack my chest.
He pulls back and frowns.
“I understand when I wouldn’t forgive you how much that must have hurt.”
“It damn near killed me,” he whispers as he drops his head to my shoulder.
I shake my head as the raw burn of pain sears my heart. I can’t imagine the pain of sleeping with someone different and living with that guilt forever. Of losing the one that you really do love for a lifetime in the name of fifteen minutes of sex.
I pull his face back to mine. “Joshua, I love you desperately. Our life together starts tonight, right now.” I smile and nod. “We are going to live in LA.” I kiss him gently. “We are going to be so happy.” I smile into his kiss as I feel his resistance melt. “We are too strong to be broken … we have proven that … time and again.”
He kisses me more firmly as our passion starts to reignite.
“Take me,” I whisper into his mouth. “Show me how much I mean to you.” My eyes drop to the large erection hanging heavily between his legs. I can see every wide vein on it pumping with arousal, waiting to give my body what it needs, to finally fill me totally.
He groans and slams me into the wall as his hand grips me painfully on the behind. His mouth drops to my neck and he bites me aggressively, and goosebumps scatter over my flesh. This is when we are at our best, our bodies so in sync with each other’s that we couldn’t stop this animal attraction even if we tried. This is love in its deepest form. He lifts me aggressively and holds me with my legs around his waist and he slams into me. His mouth hangs slack as his hooded eyes watch me struggle to take his thick large length. I can feel his heart beating through his chest as he struggles to hold himself still to let me adjust.
I cry out as his flesh rips through me and heats my blood, and my head drops back against the tiles in both pleasure and pain as my eyes close.
With our lips locked he lifts my body up and down onto his, slowly at first to let me acclimatize, and then with each stroke more deeply, each with more feeling than the last until I am screaming as he plunges deeply into me with his powerful body. My arms grip his ripped shoulders as I struggle for breath, my eyes close as I feel every muscle inside me contract against his brutal length. He bites my bottom lip and pulls it back in an aggressive, yet unbridled passionate gesture that makes me lose my mind even more.
I have never loved this man more. He sacrificed his own needs to give me mine and even though in the end I didn’t want what was offered, he gave me a choice. I will forever be grateful for what he has shown me about intimacy this week.
His love truly is unconditional and I finally understand the Amelie thing. My heart breaks a little knowing what I have put him through. His hands come around my back and over my shoulders as he rips me down onto his body with such force that I start to lose my breath. His eyes close as he rides the wave of pleasure that has started to envelope us. My body convulses as I scream and lurch forward and he does the same. He grabs the wall behind me to balance us as his orgasm steals his balance. He shudders heavily as his body empties and I feel his hot semen burn deep inside my body. I sigh into his shoulder as he lets my legs slowly drop to the floor. He grabs my face and rips it to his.
“Do you get it? Tell me you get it! Do you finally understand how much I fucking love you?” he snaps.
My eyes tear over and I nod gratefully. “For the first time …Joshua, I can honestly say … yes.”
I wake to the gentle dusting of kisses across my face, and he gently tucks my hair behind my ear. I smile with my eyes still closed. It is blazing light—we must have forgotten to shut the drapes last night. Beautiful gentle Josh is here, I can feel his presence and I haven’t even opened my eyes yet. I slowly bring my hand around the back of his head and pull him into me.
“Good morning,” I whisper into the top of his head as I kiss it.
