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“I brought you here to find how to help you. Since you’re going to be the mother of my two children, I wish you be at your best. We’ll be sharing most incredible memories together.” The doubts slither like snakes, setting my heartbeat into a frenzy.
What will be left of me if I open the gates? If they establish that I am too dangerous to be left with the twins, I might lose them. But if I won’t seek help, I might endanger them. You can only lose children once and survive it. Instead of running, I nod in agreement, though my fears are trying to unravel me.
“Cassandra, let’s start this session. Tell us something about yourself.” Carefully, I narrate the story in a way it will not break me. I detach from the situation and give her what she asked for.
It’s the only way I know Sandra won’t be able to resurface.
~Logan~
As I watch her, the fear and apprehension quickly passes through her soft features, but she shuts it out almost instantly. Disconnected, she recounts the facts to Dr. Neil, but there is no emotion behind it. Then she stops; her empty eyes have a faraway look. She is distant, impassive.
Something is very, very wrong, I tell myself as I look at Dr. Neil. Her reaction is searching, but reveals little to me.
“Cassandra, are you all right?” the therapist asks, only to receive a silent nod in response.
“We should continue next time. Please make your next appointment at reception.” It’s clear she doesn’t want to push Cassandra too fast. She gives us some tips on how to deal with the anxieties.
The foreboding feeling tells me the stubborn mother of my children is going to fight on this. I’ve never imagined that behind the collected fierce professional mask is a person with so much darkness.
We haven’t even scratched the surface. It makes me wonder what kind of fears storm Cassandra’s thoughts, taking her control apart. Perhaps it is time for me to stop skirting around the edges and dive in to see what is behind the cold icy glass.
Would I be able to find her heart by breaking through those erected shields? If she doesn’t allow her feelings to manifest, how does she deal with her problems? There are so many questions and no answers to the numerous secrets I want to know.
I want to protect her and my children. As we leave the clinic, I lead her quietly to the car. I’ve never seen this side of her before. Whatever she is feeling right now is beyond my reach.
On the way home, I order some takeaway. Her eyes look like liquid pale blue crystals with an icy fire burning inside them. Emotions are locked in those glass spheres, unable to shed tears. Her hands wrap around her middle, shielding our little ones in a protective embrace.
Cassandra is suspicious of where my loyalties are, I’m certain of it. Nevertheless, I want to be the person she counts on. Vividly, I recall the first time we met. Nowhere did I see the woman that’s locked up in the ice tomb right now.
Perhaps the heat could make her walls more elastic to let me in. A smile tugs at my lips. I admit I love her fury. Excitement is slithering under my skin thinking about it.
We don’t go straight back up to the apartment. Instead, I take us to the park for a much-needed walk.
Chapter 13
Preparing Their Nest
~Cassandra~
After we come back home, I feel frozen icicles in my veins. An emotional storm’s bidding the time for the floodgates to be unleashed. My body is tired, and my limbs are heavy. Disconnected from my feelings, I’m floating, emotionless. I could sleep for eternity, drained of life.
My aching head’s getting cloudier and I have a sharp throbbing sensation on the side of my pregnant belly. I need to lie down and sleep it off. Logan’s hands draw me into his embrace, and I fall asleep almost instantly.
The delicious scent from the kitchen wakes me up a short while later. Slowly, I rise to follow it as my hungry and fluttering belly inhabitants rush me to feed them. I find Logan cooking at the stove, barefoot, in his light wash jeans and black T-shirt. Ogling him while he is unaware of my silent approach, I take him in. That incredible behind has my pulse beating faster.
The wildflower bouquet in the middle of the island makes the room smell of the meadow, and the table set for two looks very inviting. I sniff the flowers, and our twins try to get my attention, so I rub the spot with my palm as I read the note left with the flowers.
To the bravest, most beautiful and fierce woman in the world. Yours, Logan.
I raise my eyes I find him looking at me with a soft expression.
“How was your nap?” he inquires, while assembling food for us both.
“I feel replenished. Our babies are dancing a happy tango, probably because they can smell the food. I think I need to eat or I might devour someone instead.” I grab a fork and knife for the effect, making him chortle with glee.
Before I can eat, he turns me around and exposes my belly. Kissing the munchkins, he tells them, “Don’t tire your mummy with your wrestling. I have enough of food for all of you. Now, my little ones, behave. Daddy is trying to survive here on bare scraps left.”
