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R: Oh my god, I want to be there to enjoy the show!

A: Send the video to your colleagues!

C: If I get myself into trouble I wouldn’t be able to escape his fury.

I imagine him trying to punish me with his mouth in a different kind of passion than the sport he’s engaged in. I might not be able to survive him if he decides to punish me in a passionate embrace. I must play the game better, not to set myself up to lose. Logan enjoys taking on the challenges and winning.

We might combust in fervent desire later to find it awkward to be around each other since it might confuse our dynamics. Maybe it’s a great idea to hold onto useful incriminating material I could use against him in the future.

New Bounds

In the room, we wait for the ultrasound scan to show the sex of our twins. I am so excited that my heart is dancing the tango in my chest, making me dizzy. Often, Logan would squeeze my hand in reassurance, barely containing his own eagerness to meet them.

When I hear their heartbeats, tears start to flow in relief and laughter bursts out of my chest. Logan is holding up just a little bit better, but his frame shakes with emotions as we listen to the rhythm.

“One of the twins is definitely a boy.” After a long search for the best angle, the ultrasound tech continues. “Oh, here she is. Not a fan of taking pictures.”

A boy and a girl. The emotional fireworks are bursting out of my chest. My heart is so full of euphoria that I barely manage to contain it. Logan leans over and kisses my forehead.

Back at the car, he turns to me, stroking his chin as if contemplating. “Are you up to seeing the potential house I spoke about? I could bring you there another time if you are too tired.”

His concern touches something in me, filling me with warm happiness and hope. But then the dread overwhelms me just as quickly, and I am swept away by the panic, until I hear only screams and cries from my dead boys.

“Stop staring, Logan, I’m fine. Let’s go, we still need to find a place for you to live.”

I try to get him moving, not wanting to linger in those dark moments that can unravel my hope and leave me hollow. I need to get away from the anxieties and grasp onto something substantial and positive.

After giving me a long and thoughtful look, he turns on the engine and continues towards a big dark grey painted brick building with enormous windows. Massive pale grey wood doors greet us. It looked like a converted farmhouse.

“Wow, the house is incredible. I wouldn’t have guessed it to be your style, though.” I look at the big long brick building in wonderment, seeing its character and imagining a happy little girl and boy playing in the park close by.

“I’m glad you like it. Let’s go inside? The agent gave me the keys, so we can go in and look around. She will be coming in an hour to get them back.”

Inside, high ceilings and huge windows taking advantage of the beautiful view outside make this modernized industrial look really fresh and open. Wow! The kitchen is modern, with light grey metro tiles, and white units on the top walls with blue-grey cupboards below, creating a marvelous contrast paired with light marble grey worktops. The appliances are new, stainless steel.

Besides the kitchen, there are four bathrooms, three of which are upstairs. Burned, washed wood flooring, and off-white colored walls show off the grand space. The living, dining, and kitchen areas have no walls, just a big glass fireplace that separates the sitting room from the dining space. Upstairs, two of the three bedrooms have their own bathrooms and generous office space tucked in the corner.

What’s impressive, though, is the fantastic view of nature. The big garden is framed by the horse farm fence and two more outbuildings that appear in need of work. The garden has only grass and no flower beds. However, a few young cherry and birch trees grace the land. The most incredible find is the wooden swing in the garden, where we both are now.

“I think you will enjoy this space and life here. Although, it is quite far from where I live… We might work it out the schedule of visits.” I lose myself in all various scenarios he turns me to face him.

His forehead sharp and eyes determined as he states, “I’ve purchased this house for you, Cassandra, and our children, to live.”

I wait for him to tell me he is kidding, but he isn’t. Shock, mixed with disbelief, is etched on my face. I am lost for words for a moment.

“I can’t accept it. You can’t throw this house at me like that. That’s just not right. Besides, we will be fine living in my apartment. It’s clean, tidy, and safe.”

I start to panic. In no way will I allow him to do this to me!

“Logan, nobody gives anything without expecting something in return, so tell me what your angle is,” I demand, afraid the price might be one I’m not willing to pay.

“Cassandra, I can’t allow you three to live in the small flat, while I live in luxury myself. I earned and built my life so I could share with the people I care about. I’m not the man who stands aside and lets the mother of his children rot. So, you need to get over your issues and start thinking about the future our kids deserve. I’m not backing down,” he tells me, just as determined as I am.

“I don’t want your money. Don’t you dare to make me into the woman you’ve been dealing with in the past. I’m not Larissa! I’ve already overlooked things you’ve done to my flat, but this is just wrong. I can’t be bought or forced to be a woman to order and control, like a puppet on strings. I will be the mother of your two children. You will not treat me like a damn servant you pay for!”

“That never was my purpose, stripping away your dignity. I just want my kids to have a great life. In case it escaped your mind, we are family. It is my right and responsibility to take care of you all. We could stand here, shouting and arguing to no end, or we could start planning our future.” He tries to reason with me, directing our focus to taking care of the precious gifts growing inside of me.

I stand there, looking around, as if I could find the right answer to my frustrating situation.

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