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Probably because, before me, Cassandra didn’t lose her cool this easily. Instead, she always reflected a calm and unaffected exterior. I knew our controlling personalities would clash a lot, but for some reason, I wasn’t expecting she would be unreasonable almost all the time now.
Hormones or not, I will teach her to let me take care of them. It helps that I found another home just five houses away to buy. It’s a small place compared to this, but I don’t care, as I plan to be with them almost all the time.
Thinking about it now, perhaps her anger with all my mingling ways is not entirely unreasonable. Maybe I got too involved in helping furnish the place. I bought a new bed for her, and she was furious at first. Later, though, she started to appreciate the gift as the mattress lured her to sleep almost instantly.
I remember lying down next to her as she curled like a kitten, letting her belly to be rubbed while the babies played hide and seek with me. I smile at the memory.
“My room is off limits, Logan!” she’d shouted, shaking, the hard expression on her face a sign she was losing patience with me. “If you break these boundaries, I am kicking your ass out of my life. I will seek legal advice with the police and court.”
I’d relented, so she wouldn’t feel like I was taking over her life.
“And the TV Logan bought for your previous flat could be hanging over the fireplace, so we could watch TV shows together,” Raine points out, helping me to win the argument, bringing me back from the previous one.
“Let me be the man who will be the one to take care of you,” I add, leaving her with no option but to concede again.
“I’m capable doing that myself, Logan. Not to the extent you can, but in the future could you, please, let me have a say in the things that will define our living.”
“I don’t want you to be stressed out about the things you don’t have because I’m here, with my funds available to you.” I try to smooth things over by reminding her that she doesn’t need to worry about money.
“You’re not willing to understand how that makes me feel.” Cassandra gets tearful.
“How I’m supposed to feel that mother of my twins is fighting me all the time, refusing financial help I want to provide. I want to be able to look into their eyes and tell them how proud I am that I was able to give this to them.”
“Leaving me as just their nanny, as I have nothing left to give them,” she cries. “When they grow up and look back, what they will see? They’ll see the things that you gave them, not the love and care.” She covers her face with her hands, hiding from me.
“You are wrong, you are the most important element in this family, and don’t you dare to think otherwise. Money can never buy a sense of love or care the way one's heart might do.” I turn her to face me, letting her see my instinct to protect and care for them.
We are unable to forge the bridge between our status in the society or financial indifferences. She doesn’t want to feel worthless and useless in her position being a mother. She doesn’t trust me, especially since she hides her anxiety episodes from me and is very closed off about the past. There are so many obstacles in our way.
A few days ago, I was on the phone, working from the office, when I heard her voice carry through the window. Instinct urged me to find her straight away, dreading that she might get hurt. At the lake, I saw her, standing and shouting with such desperation and anguish. I collected her in my arms and carried her home like a wounded animal, where she cried herself to sleep.
There is a possibility that the whole floodgate will open after she gives birth. All the emotions she’s holding back will overwhelm her with fears, increasing the frequency of panic attacks. There’s not much time left. So, after deliberation, the therapist asked me to arrange for her sisters to come over for the conversation that might provide a necessary insight.
A few days back, I spoke with the girls, asking them to chat with Dr. Neil. I also expressed my desire to be present at this appointment. Both sisters, who are indeed an incredible team with me in appeasing their emotional sister, agreed to go to the clinic.
My heart beats frantically, with every tear that rolls down her cheek and every shudder she expels. I know that I care and have strong feelings towards this woman. I want to help.
I fantasize about her, at nights when I sleep alone in my bed and when I get to see her in the mornings as we both do yoga. Every contact I make is just an excuse to touch her or be close. I suppose she enjoys it too. I rub her belly, talking to our girl and boy still sleeping through all the exercising. Lazy kittens don’t like early mornings. I smile, thinking about the fact that they have each other to cuddle with.
“Fine, but Logan, be careful with your overbearing ways because I will push back.”
The warning makes me smile.
Biased Judgment
~Logan~
Thirty-one weeks
As we arrived at the therapist’s clinic, both sisters get very nervous. Perhaps Dr. Neil will help them to calm down since they blocked me out, retreating into themselves. Dr. Neil tries to explain the issues.
“Your sister, in my opinion, holds a lot of mistrust for my profession. She feels very defensive around me. After so long, I thought we might make progress, to be able to speak
with me about her feelings and trauma. Instead, I have come across a wall I can’t break. It is imperative for her to start dealing with it. However, I have no idea why she feels such need to shield from me in the first place.”
She stops, making sure that both women understand the problem. “Do you know why she’s so defensive?”
Holding my breath, I wait for sisters to give us some understanding how to get through her. I notice that both women are getting very emotional. Raine’s uncontrollable sobs are shaking her frame and Aisha is unable to speak as well.
