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“I want to know about you. And you owe me details. That’s how you’ll make it up to me.” Emma crossed her arms across her chest.
Xavier nodded, seeming to get her message: she wanted information and she wanted it now.
“I grew up on the South Side, where most people I knew either grew up to join the police or to join a gang—there really weren’t many other options. My dad worked his whole life as a plumber, a decent job, and he was faithful to my mother every day he lived, but...” Xavier shook his head. “She’d go manic sometimes, and when she did that, she was just this unstoppable bundle of energy...and then she’d go out, and sometimes, I don’t know why, she just went home with other men. It crushed my father, and I vowed, no matter what, I wouldn’t be him.”
Emma felt like she began to understand Xavier better. “And then came Sasha.”
Xavier nodded. “I was never the get-married type, but I just fell for Sasha hard. I guess she reminded me of my mother in a good way. She wasn’t bipolar, wasn’t manic, but she had the same kind of charisma, the same energy, I guess. Turns out, they had more in common than I thought. Sasha also cheated when she got bored.”
Emma reached out her hand and Xavier took it. She suddenly saw Xavier as he must have felt when he discovered Sasha’s infidelity—a scared boy brought right back to when his own mother had done the same to his father. Emma didn’t know that. Her mom led a mostly boring life, raising her and her brother in a modest house in the suburbs. They still went home monthly for dinner at Mom’s house. Dad moved to California years ago, and they didn’t see him much. None of her boyfriends had ever cheated on her—that she knew of. Though, if anything, she’d been tortured with neglect, like with Devin, who’d lost interest the second they’d moved in together.
“Everyone cheats when they get tired of a relationship,” Xavier continued.
“I wouldn’t.” Emma shook her head firmly.
“How do you know?” Xavier cocked his head to one side, doubtful. “Everyone can cheat. Everyone has the capacity to cheat. It’s not something you plan, I don’t think. It’s something...well, you have the need, the resentment builds, and then you find yourself in a stranger’s bed.”
Emma hesitated. Was that true?
“Ask yourself—if you’d met me in a bar when you were still with Devin... Would you have really turned me down?” A confident smile curved his lips upward. She tried to imagine her life with Devin, if he hadn’t taken the job that took him out of state, if she hadn’t realized how easy it was to let him go.
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. She met his golden gaze and then glanced away, but then studied his thick, strong hands. The hands that she knew could bring her so much pleasure. She shivered. “Maybe,” she admitted.
“I know I wouldn’t be able to resist you,” he said and she felt a growing heat in her belly. He let out a long sigh. “And what if all relationships end that way? All of mine have. Either I’ve tired of the woman, or the woman has tired of me.”
“But...” Frustration welled in Emma. “You can’t say for sure all relationships are like that. Look, I know many that fail. My parents, for instance.”
“What happened with them?” Xavier leaned forward.
“My dad suffered serious depression. He was always switching out meds, but nothing seemed to work. He tried once to kill himself.”
“Oh, Emma.” Xavier reached out for her hand. She let him take it.
“One day, Dad just decided he’d had enough of the drugs and the therapists, and he just quit. He always said the drugs made him feel like he was sleep-walking through life, and he didn’t want to do that anymore, and Mom, well... Mom decided she couldn’t handle it anymore. She left him and took us with her.”
“I see.” Xavier seemed to process this a bit. “So you understand what I mean. Love doesn’t last. Your parents were just smart and admitted it earlier than most. Who do you know that’s been in a marriage twenty-five years and can’t keep their hands off each other?”
Emma thought a second. Aunts and uncles and neighbors flitting through her mind, all couples that seemed decidedly tepid in their affection at best. “I can’t, I guess.”
“See?” Xavier looked sad. “I don’t even know if monogamy is a reasonable goal. For anyone.”
Emma felt disappointment strike her fast and hard. She might not be wanting to get married this second, but could Xavier truly feel this way? Was he really so determined never to be faithful?
