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She takes my hand and turns to grin at Lisa.
“Don’t you see why I adore her?”
The warmth in her voice, the p
ress of her hand—it feels real. Oh, how I want it to be real!
I grip her hand and grin so hard I almost cry. I don’t even recognize myself right now, but maybe, that’s okay.
Maybe, I’m learning to be a better person. Not just to others… But for me. It’s probably the most radical thought I’ve ever had.
Fifteen
Helen
Walking into the restaurant was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I could feel mortification sinking through my bones and dragging my limbs down.
I’ve never attracted attention. Never. I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to avoid it. This pink dress is probably the most outlandish thing I own except for my kink gear.
I hope that we just look like touchy feely lovers and not a pair of drunken raccoons. I’m so relieved when we finally sit down I almost faint from the shock.
Then Lisa starts talking. Sharon doesn’t talk much but I can tell by her expression she’s watching everything go by and preparing her comments.
Lisa has always been vivacious and bossy. She takes charge of every conversation. When she does this with Roxy, my date immediately comes alive and tries to outdo Lisa for attention.
I see puzzlement cross Roxy’s features while Lisa explains about the deal and the magazine. She covers it well and launches into a discussion as if she’s been working in print for years. I’m stunned.
As patrons nearby start to look, I begin to get nervous. Even Lisa is starting to look frustrated and Sharon is sharpening her claws.
“Of course, you can’t feed an elephant with a rake.” Roxy practically yells across the restaurant. “You have to feed him by hand or in his special feeder. But I didn’t have anywhere to put the rake. I leaned it on a nearby wall and what happened? A monkey fucking stole it.”
I have no idea how we got on to this subject, but Roxy is just warming up. I’m pretty sure Lisa just calmly said ‘what do you do’ and this launched Roxy on to a mobius strip tale of every single job she’s had ever had.
I take a deep breath and wait for the panic to rise in me. I hold the breath for so long the lights swim and the other voices in the room become a roar of background noise. Through all of it, only one thing is solid. Only one thing is real.
Roxy.
Everyone else in this room is a painted mannequin. My God, how did I never see this before? The societal constraints I have been living my life by are completely false. Everyone in this room is ‘trying to be a good person’ but what does that even mean?
Roxy is a good person. Okay, so she’s messy and she swears a lot. But she doesn’t judge anyone. She just wants to be free to do her own thing and because that’s important to her, she would never impose constrictions on others.
“Well.” Roxy’s really getting worked up now. “You’d be surprised how far a monkey can get with a rake. The little bastard was using it to climb fences, leaning it on the wall, scurrying up it, hitting the top and pulling the rake up to do it in the next yard. Animals were screaming in every pen. The ranger came looking for me and my ass was fired on the spot.”
She pauses for a sip of wine, tongue touching the edge of her lip.
“Of course, even though I was fired, and I wasn’t going to get paid, they still made me catch the fucking monkey!”
Roxy looks around. Lisa is trying to summon an expression that isn’t shock and Sharon is smiling and shaking her head, waiting to insert her cutting remark. People at other tables are looking at us like we are the monkeys.
When my laugh bursts out of me, it echoes around the restaurant. Lisa actually jumps and Sharon breaks her bitch face to frown at me.
I can’t stop laughing. I want to hold my stomach I’m laughing so hard. Roxy stares at me in shock and I reach out and grab her hand, squeezing it tight.
“Darling.” I lean in and kiss her cheek. “You know I love the monkey story.” I shake my head and laugh even louder. “Tell another!”
An old man at the next table actually shakes his head at me. In a moment of extreme defiance, I stick my tongue out at him.
I’m going to get kicked out of Pierre’s. It’s my worst nightmare. And I’m having the time of my life.
