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“Priorities. This first. Definitely this first.” He gave my hands a final squeeze then released them. “Tell me what happened,” he said, and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.
And I did. By the time I finished, a slight frown curved his mouth, and he seemed deep in thought.
“What is it?” I asked.
Mzatal shook his head. “He is dangerous in a new way. He has shown signs of true jealousy. I witnessed it clearly during the ritual, and it colored much of your interaction in the dream-sending.”
“He’s possessive,” I agreed “What’s so bad about that? I mean apart from it being totally psycho that it’s directed at me.”
“I have known Rhyzkahl for millennia, and he has never shown jealousy,” Mzatal said with a slow shake of his head. “Possessive power displays between qaztahl, yes. That is normal for all of us. Personal jealousy such as he has shown is alien. It is not our nature.”
I took that in, though it was hard to get my head around the idea of the lords not being jealous. “Well it sure as hell looks like his nature now,” I said, scowling. “He seemed to lose it when I told him I would never go with him.” I put the puzzle pieces together. “You’re saying he’s an unknown because you don’t have a precedent for it, and therefore he’s dangerous. More dangerous.”
Mzatal nodded. “Yes, and we will need to take that into account.”
“What did he mean when he said, ‘You think your saviour’s hands are clean?’” I asked, watching him carefully.
Mzatal exhaled. “I have lived millennia, Kara, and done much that would revolt you. My hands are not clean.”
I realized I didn’t really want to know the details right then, not with everything else I already had to deal with. The fact that he hadn’t tried to dance around the question was sufficient—for the moment. I didn’t hold any illusions that he was a saint; he was a demonic lord, and I’d had a glimpse of his darker side.
I nodded in acknowledgement. “Fair enough, for now.”
He stood. “Go bathe, then come to the summoning chamber, and we will disengage this link. Gestamar will stay with you.”
I looked up at him and nodded, tension leaching out of me. He gave me a quick smile and departed, hands clasped behind his back. I watched him go, grateful to him on innumerable levels. Though I was the one who’d pushed Rhyzkahl away, I wasn’t sure if I could have done it without Mzatal’s support—at least not yet. I owed him big time. Again.
Was he keeping score? And if so, what would the payoff be?
Chapter 26
I tried to avoid thinking about the coming ritual as I made my way to the summoning chamber. It’s a purification, I told myself sharply. Not even as dangerous as a summoning, and I’ve done a kajillion of those. Didn’t help. The curl of tension still sat like a rock in my chest.
I stopped before the double doors, heart suddenly pounding a mile a minute. I didn’t reach for the handle to pull the doors open. I didn’t want to go in there. Bad things happened in summoning chambers.
He held his hand out, and I stepped forward and took it. He smiled down at me. Pain. Blood.
I startled as Mzatal placed his hands on my shoulders from behind, and I realized I’d been standing in one place, staring at the doors for what had to have been at least ten minutes, so absorbed I hadn’t even felt his approach. Yet he didn’t say anything, simply held my shoulders and let me know he was there.
“I’m sick of trying to be strong,” I whispered hoarsely. “I’m not. I’m not strong at all. I fake it and pretend to be tough, but I can’t do this.” I shook my head in a sharp motion, eyes on the doors. “I…I can’t go in there.”
“In there or out here,” Mzatal said in quiet, resonant tones, “it is the same. It is a horrific ghost that haunts you, wherever you are. What you carry, what you fear, is as potent on this side of the door as it is within the chamber, though its manifestation is clearer there.” His gave my shoulders a light squeeze. “Your victory is in facing the ghost where it manifests strongest. Turn from it now, and Rhyzkahl triumphs, and you, and those you care for, no longer face a ghost but a certainty. Face it now with me beside you, and you are a step closer to banishing the ghost forever.”
I breathed out a curse. “Oprah needs to have you on her show,” I said sourly, feeling the truth of his words. I hated it, yet I also knew I had to accept it.
Steeling myself, I grabbed the handles and yanked. They opened far more easily than I expected, and only Mzatal’s hands on my shoulders saved me from toppling back on my ass. I grimaced. Yeah, this was a great way to start things off.>He stepped within a pace of me, aura surrounding me, suffocating me. “It can be undone,” he said with a shake of his head. “Dear one, it is not too late.”
“Yes it is! You can’t undo the fact that it happened, not without destroying me in the process.” My breath came in shallow gasps. He wasn’t even projecting terror at me in that way, but his presence alone brought it forth. “You’re the one who said it was too late, and now you sound like a psycho stalker.” I pressed back against the potency barrier. “I’m not going with you. I’ll never go with you. You can’t undo this.”
Another aura. Mzatal. I vaguely felt his arm across my chest, but it was as if he was the dream and Rhyzkahl the reality. Rhyzkahl sensed it too. He looked beyond me then snapped his focus back to my eyes and spoke with measured intensity, breath hissing. “You do not understand.” He caught my face between his hands. “Kara, all will be well. I will take you away. Away from here. Away from the realm. And you will be you and whole.”
Mzatal was there, somewhere—an invisible support. “No,” I said, baring teeth. “I do understand.” Though my heart still slammed, I gathered myself, gripped Rhyzkahl’s wrists and tugged, seeking to get his vile touch off my face. “I understand that you would give me over to Jesral and those other fuckers. I understand you lied to me and betrayed me. I will never ever go with you. Get that through your blond head right now.”
A whisper passed through my mind, and I knew Rhyzkahl read the truth of my words. Good.
His breath quickened. He released my face and took a step back, hands lifted as though he still held me. A stricken look swept over his features, and he shook his head, looking strangely lost.
I felt Mzatal’s physical hold on me more clearly as well as his nonphysical touch. “Rhyzkahl. Leave me now,” I said as I took a step toward him, willing him away.
