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“South and Lennox are so upset with me for ending things so poorly last night.”
“They came here tonight, didn’t they?” Hawthorne asks. “Just give them time.”
I swallow the harsh truth of his words. “There are no guarantees we have much more of it.”
“No way,” he says. “We have forever.”
The thought practically envelops me and a surge of anger swells inside me. “Not forever. Eventually, we’ll die and be buried in Elysian. Unless...”
“Why do you keep mentioning the Underworld? It’s hell, and once you’re there you can’t escape.”
I hate the draw I feel to The intrigue I have every time Hades’ name is mentioned.
“I don’t see how it’s any different than Styx. Besides part of me wants to see what all the fuss is about.” I stand, annoyed and move back to my rocker. Knowing, even as I say it, how foolish I sound. Styx is not the same as Hell. Here we have food, clothes, shelter. We borrow and barter and live in an ecosystem that has been developed since the dawn of time.
Yes, it’s claustrophobic as all get out, but we have some choice and freedom. We’re just stuck in Styx only until our souls are sent to their final resting place.
The good are buried in the Elysian Fields, and the bad are sent to the Underworld for eternity.
The dream of heaven is just that -- a story people like to tell themselves for comfort. But here, we know the truth.
There is Earth. There is Styx. There is the Underworld.
South and Lennox find us on the porch and they lean against the railing. “There you guys are,” South says, holding his fist wrapped in a towel.
“Did you beat someone up?” I ask, knowing the answer. “South, I won’t get us invited to these parties if you can’t play nice.”
“Why do you want to come to them anyway?” Lennox asks, looking around at the decadent atmosphere. “It all seems a little desperate.”
“And you’re not?” South asks him with a raised brow. “I saw you back there.” South is true grit, built to fight and a born bad boy. He has ice blue eyes, short dark hair, and a leather jacket he never takes off.
Lennox turns, as if not wanting to meet my gaze. “Yeah?” he mutters. “This could all be gone tomorrow. I don’t want to die with regrets.”
“You’re already dead.” I purse my lips, knowing my words are bitter and calloused.
“Thanks for the reminder, bestie.” Lennox gives me a fake smile and I see the hurt in his eyes.
He asked for my heart and I refused.
“At least we have today,” Hawthorne says, looking at me with a soft smile, reminding me of our earlier conversation.
One day can change everything.
“Who’d you fight?” Hawthorne asks South.
“A guy who was talking shit.”
“About what?” I ask, but the guys’ eyes all fall downward, and I know.
Some guy was talking about me. Probably said something stupid about wanting to sleep with me and it pissed South off. It has happened before.
“You don’t have to fight my battles,” I tell South.
“You may say you don’t love us, Ten, but we love you,” Lennox says, his eyes on mine. He is tall and lean, with dark brown eyes as deep as the poetry he writes.
“Is that why you were with someone else tonight?” I ask.
“This double standard is bullshit, Ten,” he tosses back. “So, what? You can do whatever you want but you get mad when we do? You can’t have it every way.”
I look over at Hawthorne, he’d said as much a few minutes ago.
“Then let’s just end this,” I say, knowing that what I want doesn’t matter anyway. They are fading, fast. It will most likely all be gone tomorrow.
One day can change everything.
“Let’s end this relationship,” I say, the words being the exact opposite of what I want. But I am so scared of being here all alone, that it seems easier to run away now, on my own terms, than sit with them as I watch them go forever.
Why in Hades name can’t I fade? I’m cursed to be here forever.
Shocked, Hawthorne turns to me. “You don’t mean that.”
I shrug, determined to be strong even if inside the words are hollowing me out. Standing from the rocker, I pull my short dress down. “Yes, I do. We don’t know how long we have left, and I don’t want to be the one to hold you guys back. Go live the rest of your half-life to its fullest.”
“Don’t be like this,” Hawthorne says, standing too, reaching for me. “We’ve been friends since we were little. And South and Lennox, they’ve been by our side for years. The four of us are a team, the only family I’ve got. Why would you throw it all away?”
“Because I can’t give you what you want,” I say crossing my arms, defiance becoming my protective armor. My heart is too sad to say the truth: I want them and hate the idea of losing them forever. Better to let them go now than hold on to a dream that is already dying.
